12/4/09

Needlework A Go-Go #2: Ripple Crochet


There's nothing inherently wrong with crochet - it can often look quite nice, in a retro kind of way.  Nothing too bad with a crochet afghan or poncho. Like most things, however, there's a limit.  In the 1970's, the sky was the limit for the things you could do with crochet... and things often got ugly, real ugly.

The there was seemingly limitless ways to needlecraft your unsightly treasures: hairpin crochet, needlepoint, macrame, jiffy rugs, quilting, flower crochet, afghan weaving, etc.  Your only limitation was your sense of taste.  The 1973 crochet manual at the top of this post is for Ripple Crochet, often called Chevron Crochet and Flame Stitch Crochet.  The various items created via Ripple Crochet accentuate the negative in a powerful way - the degree of "awfulicity" is simply unparalleled.



Okay, this first example isn't too bad. The Ripple Skirt might be mocked and ridiculed today, but it had its place 37 years ago.  Remember, in the 1970's, nearly everything was made of yarn: the pictures on the wall, the pillowcases, the drink koozies, the dog's sweater, your shawl, the baby's cap, the macrame plant hangers, etc.  So, a crochet skirt isn't the worst thing in the world.  The next one, however, may very well be.

 

GREAT SHADES OF ELVIS!! A bikini made of yarn? Do you have any idea what happens to yarn when it gets wet? The minute this girl steps into the pool, this bathing suit is going to sag, and certain things are going to be exposed.  But at least it's form fitting, so she has a prayer of keeping it on. I can't say the same for the next bathing suit...

Please tell me that no one actually wore this in public and got in the water.  Plus, if you've ever seen crochet clothing, you know that there's some serious gaps in the fabric. In other words, even if this thing stayed dry, spectators would still be getting a pretty good eyefull.

But look, I've saved the best for last...


HOLY CAT HUMPING MOUNTAIN GOAT! SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME SUSAN! I want you to just picture someone walking into the office wearing this.  Actually try and imagine someone showing up for work in this. It is so bad that I think it was even bad in the 70's.... and that's BAD!  If I showed up for work in a tie made of yarn, I think I'd be put on a mandatory leave of absence.

Before I end this post, I just want to show you what can happen when yarn gets put in the wrong hands.  Kids, this is what happens when you mix drugs and yarn.

image source: BizarreRecords.com

9 comments:

  1. I have an aunt who wore crap like this all the time back in the 70's. I can still see her with them on.

    I hope you're doing well. I'm doing great today. It's my birthday. I turned 39.

    Have a fantastic weekend. Cheers!

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  2. Happy Birthday, Keith.

    That knit tie and vest are just so wrong.

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  3. Does Bonnie have her foot inside that guys...uh, jacket, er, dress?

    Obviously, all those nights on the tour bus were spent crocheting...

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  4. Bonnie and Company clearly had their priorities in the wrong place.

    I was forced to wear a horrible crochet vest in the 70s but it was only in the presence of the auntie who made it. Never again. Never, ever.

    Those are wonderfully awful pictures. The Bonnie record cover especially.

    BTW, my captcha is "rerses" as in : Unfortunately no one in the band rerses, they are too busy crocheting.

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  5. I concur. Bonnie had those boys whipped!!

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  6. My wife crochets, but it's mainly string, not yarn. She makes these baby booties that all her friends die for. I'd love to get her to crochet a swimsuit. She wouldn't do it though.

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  7. I'd like to know what Bonnie is wearing on her feet. Those boots make her look like she has saggy skin and varicose veins.

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  8. hooker bear obviously didn't catch the name of your blog.

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  9. my mother was one of the crochet addicted. She crocheted a bowling ball carrier thingie, book covers, lamp shade covers, and last but not least...and I swear upon all that is holy I am telling you the truth, a steering wheel and seat cover for the 1967 sea green family cadillac. My father did all the driving then.

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