Comic Books #20: Hell Rider

There's a million comic book adaptations out there, and IMHO they're mostly awful: Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four, Daredevil, The Punisher, Superman Returns, and yes, even Watchmen with that butt naked blue dude. Might I make a recommendation to Hollywood - HELL-RIDER! Here's a ready-made tagline: "For Hell-Rider, one can of whoop ass is not enough.... He opens up the whole goddamn case!"

Take one look at that cover. Hell-Rider doesn't capture the bad guys and turn them over to the police. He goes medieval on their ass! He literally sets them on fire and runs them over!

Hell-Rider is really Brick Reese, a Harvard graduate with tons of money. But don't think for a second he's some straight laced goody two shoes like Clarke Kent. Brick parties like it's 1999.

That is, until his woman is captured by the diabolical CLAW and pumped full of heroine. That makes Brick very mad. Ain't nothin' in the world get Hell-Rider more mad than some jive ass sucka feedin' smack to his woman!

Here's another potential movie tagline: "Hell-Rider doesn't just go medieval on their asses.... he goes Orenthal"

But in order to take down Claw's entire organization, Brick's gonna need the help of a few trusted black friends from the ghetto.... like "Butterfly", a dead ringer for Pam Grier, and "Deke", who will pimp-slap your ass back to Oakland.

Hell-Rider and his gang would eat Green Lantern and Aquaman for breakfast.... but they don't eat breakfast - they're too busy chasin' bitches and bad guys, ya dig?

Hell-Rider: Retrospace APPROVED.


  1. You are right on all those movie versions being bad except for the Watchmen. It worked very well considering the amount and type of comic they had to adapt to the screen.

    Never heard of Hell-rider, but I would got to see a film adaption of it for sure.

  2. There's a guy making comics like that right now. http://www.traditionalcomics.com/

  3. Oh man, his proportions are goofy-looking on that cover. Part gorilla, part Johnny Bravo. :p