12/30/10

It's Time to Celebrate!

celebration

Well, 2010 is just about over, and, looking back, it's been a great year for Retrospace. There's been a lot of changes over the past year, and this last post of the year is my chance to brag a bit, so permit me to boast a little.

Recently, Retrospace added a podcast to its growing retro media arsenal.  It's fairly new, and I'm still getting the hang of it, but I think it'll be a great addition to the Retrospace Universe.

The Retrospace Tumblr blog, Retrospace Zeta, continues to grow with almost 4,000 followers.  It's not always PG rated like this blog, but it's still a lot of good natured fun.

Believe it or not, the Retrospace Flickr photostream are the most trafficked of them all with nearly 11,000 hits every single day!

Retrospace Podcast #7


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It's hard to believe all this vintage goodness is packed into 19 minutes, but it's true. The Retrospace Podcast is a surreal travel through the space time continuum, which bounces effortlessly from Sanford & Son to Phantasm to Schoolhouse Rock.  It's a cosmic journey of decades past, and you are the space cowboy. Giddyup!

Tracklist 

70s elevator music
dial adjustment
"What the Hell" by The Ohio Players (2 minute version)
drive in movie commercial break
Theme Song to "Hunter"
Paul McCartney quits Beatles news clip
Schoolhouse Rock "Interjection"
short vintage radio promo
White Lightning movie trailer
"Spacehead" by The Primitives
short clip from 1960s lunchroom manners film
"Tic Tac Dough" gameshow theme song
Phantasm movie radio spot
"Highly Illogical" by Leonard Nimoy
1970's radio bumper/background music
Black Sabbath radio spot 1970
"Sanford & Son" famous "gorilla cookies" quote
"Theme One" by The George Martin Orchestra
Drive In theater announcement

Notes:

The Ohio Players are easily the funkiest of all the funk bands to come out of the seventies..... that includes Parliament.  Outkast are the modern day torch carriers of the flame lit by The Ohio Players.  I had to drastically cut the last ten minutes or so of the song.... it goes into a funk explosion that gets monotonous if you're not high or grooving in your waterbed.

"Theme One" by The Fifth Beatle is an utterly brilliant instrumental.  Blends in perfectly with Strawberry Fields and Magical Mystery Tour.

The Primitives basically only scored one hit with "Crash", which has been covered several times since and was an international success.  They basically dropped off the map by their next album in 1989, and were officially DOA by 1991.  However, their first LP has loads of good stuff, and "Spacehead" is certainly one of them.

I love 70s and 80s gameshow themes.  There were all so peppy and zippy with lots of moog action.  My favorite is Card Sharks, but Tic Tac Dough runs a close second.

12/29/10

Needlework A Go Go #11: Knitting Pattern Wasteland

sirdar2049a

You physicists out there are well familiar with the Laws of Thermodynamics; unbreakable rules the universe operates by without exceptions.  Well, I'd like to add one more law of the universe to be filed right under the one about 0 Kelvin:  Every flea market in the Western world has at least fifty knitting pattern packets somewhere in its inventory.  No exceptions.

They were popular as hell back in the day. Back when all women didn't have to work themselves to an early death in the rat race.  People had more time back then: women could enjoy needlework and men could enjoy drowning the memories of their awful 9 to 5 in bottle of Scotch whiskey.

I guess in this throwaway culture we live in, there's not much point to spending valuable hours making clothes.  Plus, it's not necessarily more economical to make your own sweaters, etc. anymore.

So, step back with me to a time when knitting patterns were plentiful, and clothes were made by hand and not a sweat shop in the Philippines. Enjoy.

12/28/10

School Daze #3: The Greatest School Dance Scenes in Movies



Ah, yes. The school dance.  Awkward and nerve racking, it was a necessary rite of passage.  It's no surprise that such a dramatic collective memory would make for some great moments on film.  Here's a list (in no particular order) of my favorite school dance scenes in movies interspersed with some groovy vintage dance pics.  Please leave a comment if I left any serious omissions.

It's a Wonderful Life
The gym floor opening up into a pool is an extremely memorable scene. It highlights perfectly George Bailey's wild and promising youth before his big fall.

Dazed and Confused
The scene is brief, but the inclusion of the infamous "make-out room" is classic.  Only in the seventies.

Carrie
Perhaps the most memorable of all high school dance scenes.  DePalma's split screen technique in combination with Spacek's ghastly visage is one that's hard to shake.

Zapped!
Scott Bao's powers are taken to their limit, and we get to see Heather Thomas disrobed (or actually her body double).

12/27/10

Vintage Men's Mags #9: More Inside Art



I remember watching a documentary on the so-called "low brow" art movement, and what stuck out to me was that the low brow artists were the ones who really mastered their craft; whereas, the mainstream art crowd really didn't have the basic skills (paint technique, human anatomy, etc.).  In other words, guys that could paint compelling, realistic, dynamic and skillful pieces of art were (and may still be) regarded as "low brow". Whereas, the true "arteests" were taking dumps on carpet squares and calling it high art.

This would seem to apply to the pulp artists of mid century who rarely even got credited for their work.  Let's face it, the illustrations were what got people to buy the rags, not the articles.  They were titilating and violent, but at the same time skillfully crafted.  There's no denying the covers were brilliant.... if they werent, books and blogs wouldn't still be talking about them sixty years later.  But, what often gets overlooked are the black and white art between the covers.

With a limited color palette and cheap paper (i.e. pulp) to work with, the artists were seriously limited from the outset.  Add to that, the need to incorporate text and a need to live up to the outlandish titles (no room for subtlety here), and you've got yourself a difficult piece of art to create.... on a very unforgiving deadline!  But what really has hurt the ongoing respect for the interior art is THE STAPLES!



Nine times out of ten, the interior artworks were spread across two pages, resulting in a crease, staple, and off-alignment in the center.  Sounds minor, but it's a bitch to scan (especially considering the original artwork is generally long gone).  Thus, the inerior art is not only less eye-catching, but also with noticeable defects.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough about this.  Time to spread some lovin' for the art between the covers.  Enjoy!

12/26/10

Ads #39: Speech Bubble Advertising


I was always a sucker for an ad that read like a comic book. I may not have always bought the product, but I sure read every word. It was pretty effective advertising, considering I still remember most of them after all these years. 

Anyone out there ever buy the product in the advertisement above? (click images to enlarge)  Something tells me it didn't work as easily as it is shown in the ad.  I can't help but wonder why, of all the types of statues, they chose to highlight the swimmer.  I mean, how did they even guess it was a swimmer in the first place? It looks like a dude in his underwear.  If my dad had caught me sculpting this thing, he would have thought I was gay.  I'm just sayin'.

12/24/10

Merry Christmas from Retrospace!


I sincerely wish everyone a Merry Christmas.  I thank you for making Retrospace a part of your day, and hope to have you along for many more Christmases to come.  Happy Holidays!

12/23/10

Yuletide Grooves #9



"One Nine for Santa" by Fogwell Flax and the Ankle Biters from Freehold Junior School



The song is extremely un-funny and barely "listenable"; however, I love the combination of CB radios and Christmas!  By 1981, the CB craze had died out in the US, but was going strong in the UK; hence, this album.


"Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" by John Denver



Easily the most depressing Christmas song I've ever heard.  Just what I want to hear around the holidays: a song about some alcoholic douche bag who beats his wife and kids.  Happy Holidays!

12/22/10

Needlework A-Go Go #10: Christmas



The ugly knitted Christmas sweater was almost a cliche during the 1970s.  It was the gift that kept on giving (giving you psychological damage that is.  Teasing due to homemade clothing could be relentless). Back in the day, it wasn't at all uncommon to get some hand crafted clothing from your mom, aunt, or (gasp!) grandma.  Looking back, I think we should've been more appreciative of the hard work that went into making them.... as opposed to the thoughless gift card to Cosco we get today.



Anyway, I'd love to bombard you with dozens of yuletide crafting images that would shock and horrify you; however, that will have to wait for another day.  Today, I'd like to just hit you with a needlework mag from 1973 called Carefree Patterns from McCall's.  Happy Holidays!

12/21/10

Ads #39: Christmas Ads



No one loves 1970s advertising more than me; however, you just can't deny the quality of advertising that came out of the 1950s and early 60s.  This was the official Mad Men era, and the ads reflected very direct and unashamed marketing techniques.  These were the days when every ad didn't feel the need to be oh-so-clever.  A nifty slogan and some brilliant artwork/design were all that was needed.

Take the ad above.  I'm drooling over the incredible illustration.  There's definitely a Mad Men flavor - the man is king of his castle and the females are there to love and adore him.  

Retrospace Podcast #6: Another Christmas Episode




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I'll level with you guys.... my podcasts have gotten nothing but bad reviews.  Some have taken the high road and offered constructive criticism; while others have simply said "it sucked".  Not a lot of positive feedback coming my way, folks.

The stats aren't too bad: each podcast has gotten about 300 downloads and a few thousand clicks of the play button.  However, there's a paltry 30 or so actual subscribers.... and, as I just said, the feedback has been awful.

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure why.  I've actually listened to my own podcasts repeatedly and loved them.  I realize I don't talk much on them, but Retrospace is where I let my voice loose, not a podcast.  There's tons of clips and soundbites that I find plenty entertaining.  What gives?

Answer: I don't care.  I don't get paid to run Retrospace. It's 100% a labor of love, and I happen to enjoy putting these short little podcasts together.  And, frankly, when Retrospace started back in 2008 there wasn't a whole lot of positive feedback then either.  I just kept doing what I loved and kept trying to improve.  In the end, it found a pretty significant audience.

In the end, it's all for fun.  If it catches on, good.  If not, oh well, it was fun anyway.  I certainly do appreciate input, positive or negative.  If even a few of you out there get as much enjoyment listening to it as I did making it, it will have been worthwhile. Merry Christmas. 

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12/20/10

Has Christmas Really Changed?

Christmas in 1969

I think most people have fond memories of Christmases of their youth, and perhaps those memories get glossed over and airbrushed with each passing year.  As the memories get fainter, they become more and more like a Norman Rockwell painting rather than the less-than-perfect holiday it really was.

What I'm getting at is this: it's become a cliche to say Christmas today is materialistic and over-commercialized; whereas, when I was a kid it was quaint and humble.  We've lost the Meaning of Christmas....... I call bullshit on that.

12/19/10

Retrospace Mix Tape #8: Christmas Music Volume Two



The Jackson 5 - Christmas Won't Be The Same This Year
The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping
John Prine - Xmas In Prison
Patty Surbey & The Canadian VIPs - (I Want) A Beatle For Christmas
The Sensational Little Shana Lynette - Mister Russian, Please Don't Shoot Down Santa's Sleigh
Red Simpson - Truckin' Trees For Christmas
The Modernaires - Jingle Bell Polka
Ed  'Kookie' Byrnes - Yulesville
Kay Martin & Her Bodyguards - I Want A Casting Couch For Xmas
Babs Gonzales - Teenage Santa Claus
The Sportsmen - Reindeer Rock
Milt Patrick - Merry Twistmas
Kay Martin & Her Bodyguards - Hang Your Balls On The Xmas Tree
Esquivel  - The Toy's Xmas Party-Here Comes Santa Claus
The Wakikis  - Sleigh Ride
Honey & The Bees - Jing Jing A Ling
The Martells-  Rockin' Santa Claus
Johnny & Jon - Xmas In Vietnam
Gisele MacKenzie - Too Fat To Fit In The Chimney
The Fumbelers - Jangle Bells
James Brown - Go Power At Christmas Time
Buck Owens - All I Want For Christmas Is My Daddy
The Mistletoe Disco Band - Jingle Bell Rock
Brenda Lee-  I'm Gonna Lasso Santa Claus
Homer & Jethro - Santa's Movin' On

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12/18/10

Yuletide Grooves #8:


Well, it's been a year, but Yuletide Grooves is back.  We all know and love the classics: Bing Crosby's "White Christmas", Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song", Burl Ives' "Holly Jolly Christmas", etc.  In Yuletide Grooves we get to explore some of the lesser known Christmas recordings.  Please note that several of these will be repeats from last year's Yuletide Grooves because those links are long since dead.

"Trim Your Tree" by Jimmy Butler (1954)

Lyric: "I'm gonna bring along my hatchet, my beautiful Christmas balls, I'll sprinkle my snow all on your tree, hang a mistletoe on your walls."

The double entendre doesn't get much thicker than this folks.




"Santa Claus is Surfin' to Town" by Soupy Sales (1966)

This absolutely one of the worst Christmas songs I've ever heard.... and I don't say that casually.  Obviously trying to cash in on the surf craze (that had actually already passed by), Soups destroys this song utterly and completely.  Singer he is not.





"Winter Wonderland" by Stryper

This one has me wishing for Soupy Sales again.  Remember Stryper? That Christian hair metal band that wore  super tight yellow and black spandex?  Here they are reminding all of us why hair metal died.

12/16/10

A Christmas Poem from Easyriders Magazine (1980)

Easyrider Vol.9 No. 79 January 1980

I found this beautiful piece of poetry from a Christmas issue of Easyriders Magazine (1980) and simply had to share. Spread the Spirit of Christmas and pass this warm, holiday message to your friends and family.

Mistletoe and Snow

Christmas cheer,
A Party Atmosphere,
Smokin' dope and takin' reds,
Findin' love in strange beds.

Snow shrouds the roads we need.
Wet streets remind us of dangers we heed
The cold whistles a bleak song.
Gotta rebuild and rechrome till the winter's gone.

But our brothers and sisters make
the cold months warm.
Swappin' parts and short test runs
don't do any harm.
Savin' change for the comin' summers
the winter ain't no bummer.

Merry Christmas

Easyrider Vol.9 No. 79 January 1980

12/15/10

Retrospace Podcast #5: The Christmas Episode


Enjoy twenty minutes of raw Christmas tomfoolery with plenty of clips, odd tracks, and some disco yuletide gold! Merry Christmas!


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Food & Drink #10: The Family Dinner Table: R.I.P.

10-8-2010 1-03-07 PM

The dinner table has been a shared experience among all humankind since the dawn of time.  It plays a huge part in many religions (i.e. the Seder Meal, The Last Supper, etc.) and has served as integral part of human life in cultures as diverse as the Vikings and The Chinese*..... that is, until the 1970's.

Sure, the cracks were showing as early as the sixties when the TV dinner became semi-popular; but, if you wanted to put a finger on it, you'd have to say it all unraveled in the late seventies.

12/13/10

Vintage Scan #18: Ice Capades 1962

1962 Ice Capades Program

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought it would be a good time to post scans from my 1962 Ice Capades program.

I guess if I had to compare the '62 Ice Capades to the one I recently saw, a couple things stand out. First, there's no movie/TV franchises represented (no Toy Story, no Aladdin, no Spongebob, etc.), which is a good thing, I think. Second, it seems geared toward adults more than kids.  I can't imagine Ice Capades being marketed to adults these days.

Anyway, enjoy the scans.

Retrospace Mix Tape #7: Christmas Music Volume One



The Universal Robot Band -  Disco Christmas
Ray Anthony - Christmas Kisses
The Mistletoe Disco Band - Sleigh Ride
James Brown - Santa Claus Go Straight To The Ghetto
Nancy Wilson - That's What I Want For Christmas
The Partridge Family - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
Clarence Carter - Back Door Santa
The Ventures - Frosty The Snowman
Star Wars Christmas Album - Sleigh Ride
Lindsey Buckingham - Christmas Vacation
Louis Prima - Shake Hands With Santa Claus
Spinal Tap - Christmas With The Devil
Dean Martin - A Marshmallow World
Dolly Parton - Hard Candy Christmas
Bob Atcher & The Dinning Sisters - Christmas Island
The Majority - All Our Christmases
Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight)
The Carpenters - Merry Christmas Darlings

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Volume 2 coming soon!

12/12/10

Mini Skirt Monday #61:

click to view full size
Found this article in an old British magazine on the new sensation known as The Mini Skirt.  Hope you enjoy it.... for its historical significance, of course.

"Nothing has been more talked about, nothing has been looked at with so much keen eyed interest as the mini.
Girls who wear the mini are called dollies and those are the dollies who in the midst of political outcries, depreciating currencies and protest marches have contrived to give us all the impression that the world is still an entirely lovely institution - if only the bigheads would leave it alone."

Amen


12/10/10

Comic Books #27: The Saga of the Victims


The Saga of the Victims is one of the most incredible comics I've ever read- it's the perfect storm of everything raunchy coming together in one godawful yet glorious mess.  Grindhouse exploitation meets paper in Saga of the Victims, a series that ran in Skywald publishing's Scream magazine in 1974-1975.  Unfortunately, the company went out of business before the storyline could be completed; however, the issues that ran more than delivered the goods with plenty of politically incorrect brutality, a pterodactyl, short skirts, a Nazi dwarf and a 400 year old undead robot.... what more could you ask for?

I remember reading this as a kid and just not getting it.  I wanted monsters, not chicks getting captured by pirates.  But this wasn't meant for the junior high crowd - this was for guys who liked Pam Grier movies and liked their stories racy and bloody.  Writer Al Newetson (aka Archaic Al) and illustrator Suso delivered pure distilled grindhouse gold.  I would be remiss to not cover it here at Retrospace.

I'll also add that this would make an incredible movie.  I'm talkin' to you Tarrantino!

Anyway, I'll cut to the chase. If you want more background information, there's always Wikipedia.  I'd like to give you a taste of the saga and run through the maniacally fast paced story.  So here goes..

The shit hits the fans immediately.  By the second page Anne Adams and Josie Forster are abducted from their college apartment.

Who are the kidnappers? Why they're subterranean mutants of course!... You could stop this comic right here, and would already be worth the cover price. 

12/9/10

The Retrospace Dictionary #5

FRENEMA

frenema: A cleansing period to hang out with new, interesting people; instead of the regular idiots you normally associate with.

12/8/10

Obscure Grooves #14: Music from the Nonexistent Film "Manhole"



In 1973, Grace Slick recorded her first solo album, a soundtrack to the movie Manhole.  Unfortunately, the movie itself was never made, but the resulting soundtrack was released on its own.  Not surprisingly, the album wasn't particularly successful, and it was soon forgotten.  God only knows what this movie was actually going to be about (I'd appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on this).

That being said, the music for this soundtrack ended up being completely brilliant, and deserves another listen.  That's where Retrospace comes in. Here's the 12 minute title track for a movie that never was...

"Theme from The Movie Manhole" by Grace Slick


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I can't help but wonder if there were any other soundtracks created for movies that never were.  I know Pete Townsend had conceived of a movie called Lifehouse, and wrote a number of tracks for it, but it never materialized.  I used to think Pink Floyd's Obscured by Clouds fell into this category, but it turns out its corresponding movie La VallĂ©e was actually released.

The Elder (by Kiss) always struck me as a soundtrack rather than just a concept album, but my understanding is that it was recorded as something more akin to Floyd's The Wall rather than a movie soundtrack.  At any rate, I can't think of any other examples of soundtracks for nonesistent movies (a quick Google search proved fruitless).  I'd be interested to learn of other examples.

12/7/10

Catalogs #6: Catalog of Shame


Okay, here's the deal - let me lay it out there for you.  When a boy reaches a certain age, a new brand of hormones begins to rush through every cell in his body, causing odd (often embarrassing) behaviors.  The boy's entire anatomy is prepping him for procreation - the continuation of the species.... and so his instincts kick in, completely overriding any semblance of good sense.  He is looking for one thing - the opposite gender, preferably naked (assuming he's heterosexual).

Unfortunately, we no longer are members of the Clan of the Cave Bear, and so must exercise some degree of restraint and abide by the laws of society.  For many boys, the first glimpse of the opposite sex in their mad hormone driven hunt is their dad's stash of nudie magazines.  If that doesn't pan out, there's always plans B and C: the National Geographic or Sears Catalog.

This sort of illicit reading material provided a sort of research for the young lads.  Before they went out and got their hands dirty, they needed to be familiar with the material.

It sounds ridiculous (and exceptionally lame) to women, but this has often been the first step to manhood for the past fifty or so years.  Guys that tell you their first experience seeing a female in her birthday suit was with the babysitter are liars.

Well, that era is gone.  I don't know if they even make Sears Catalogs anymore, or even National Geographic.  And, nowadays, if a kid got hold of dad's pornos, it would probably traumatize him for life - let's just say things have gotten more explicit.   I assume this awkward stage is traveled via the internet these days, and the ol' JC Penny lingerie section looks pretty damn stupid in comparison.

Well, stupid or not, here's some scanned pages from ye olde catalogs.  Enjoy!

Retrospace Podcast #4


In this episode: Sissy Spacek explores her deepest feelings about John Lennon's nude photograph, a prog rock classic, a TV sitcom theme song, a Captain & Tennille song that should've been a TV theme song, and much, much more!  It's 20 minutes of solid retro gold.



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12/6/10

Mini Skirt Monday #60

The New Valley National Bank (Arizona)

This picture fits the topic nicely - a perfect combination of miniskirts and money. The economy and hemlines.... is there a correlation? This is the Eternal Question of the Ages.

Way, way back in the first Miniskirt Monday post I posed this question, and I thought maybe it was time to revive this old chestnut.  Scholars and Perverts alike have pondered this economic legend: do hemlines really rise when the economy improves, and sink back down when the economy falters?

During the Roaring Twenties the hemlines when way up, and came way, way down during the Great Depression. Things went up again by the Swingin' Sixties and came falling back down during shit economy of the Ford-Carter years. Then, during the boom of the Reagan years, hemlines once again found their way above the knee.  So, is it fact or fiction?

12/3/10

Foxy Ladies #16: Connie Rodd

PS Preventative Maintenance Magazine

Connie Rodd.... sounds like a porn name, doesn't it? In fact, Connie was the fictional host of the military issued magazine PS Preventive Maintenance Monthly.  The PS meant "post script" since this was a post script or subordinate to the more technical equipment maintenance mag.

What's so freaking incredible about these magazines is that, all through the sixties and seventies, they featured a lovely hostess named Connie Rodd who taught the soldiers in the field how to keep up with their weapons and other equipment.... and she would somehow do it in the most burlesque and titillating fashion.  You wouldn't think calibrating your torque wrench could be so thrilling!

Military Issued Preventive Maintenance Monthly

Connie says, "Keep it DEADLY!" 

And even more interesting, a lot of the PS Preventive Maintenance Monthly issues were illustrated cover to cover by none other than Will Eisner! 

12/2/10

Beatles Covers #8: Peter Sellers


I'll grant you, the Brits have the rest of the world beat in terms of satire and wit; however, sometimes the humor gets lost on us rubes from the states.  For instance, I'll be the first to admit Monty Python is sheer genius... but I'll also be the first to say that half the gags left me saying "huh?" 

The greatest television comedies come from the UK (i.e. The Office, The IT Crowd, Fawlty Towers), but  some of the strangest shit I've ever seen also comes from there (i.e. Little Britain, Peep Show, The Mighty Boosh); not that it's bad - perhaps just too farcical for me to fathom.

Anyway, I say all this to introduce you to another example of a UK comedic oddity, namely Peter Sellers' spoken word renditions of Beatles songs.  I'd brush it off as a lapse in judgement, but the album was fairly well received in England... and actually re-entered the UK charts in the early nineties!  Apparently, Sellers reciting "A Hard Day's Night" and "Help" like Sir Lawrence Olivier reciting Richard III keeps the Brits in stitches.

Oh, well. Keeping in mind the fact that the U.S. produced both Gallagher and Carrot Top, we Americans should be the last to point fingers.  So, on with the tracks - make your own judgement.

"A Hard Day's Night"


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"Help!"


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12/1/10

Vintage Reads #16: Bad Books


There's been some unbelievably bad books published over the years. Let's take a look at just a few...

Stare deep into his eyes; he will entrance you.  Look into eyes; he will control you.  He is the Man with Mad Eyes, and he will "use his evil power for sensual satisfaction"!

1973


Retrospace Podcast #3


So far you have only read my words, now it's time to hear them: At last, Gilligan speaks!

Seriously, I interjected here and there on this podcast...  but don't worry, it's still mostly music and a bunch of fun clips.  Many of you have commented and emailed me with suggestions to get a mike and talk a bit.  So, I listened and gave it a try.  I'm no Casey Kasem (or even Shadow Stevens), but we all start somewhere.  It's probably a tad early to quit my day job.

A word of warning: The first segment with my voice is waaaay too low; you can't hear me too well.  I'm learning as I go, and way too lazy to go back and re-record things.  Maybe when someone pays me to do this, I'll take time to polish things up.  Until then, I'm wingin' it!





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