4/4/11

What Sci-Fi Universe Would You Live In?



Yes, I know, it’s kind of a geeky question.... okay, it's a very geeky question. But I can’t help but ask it – where would you rather live, the Star Trek universe or the Star Wars universe? How about the Logan’s Run universe or the Buck Rogers universe of the 25th century? Inquiring minds want to know. Don’t answer too quickly. Let’s take a minute to look at each of these and more, and then come to an informed decision.

Blade Runner
A shitty dystopian cesspool, but maybe not too shabby if you like city life. However, the level of pollution and overcrowded dinginess is a little over the top, so I’d have to rule it out.

Uhura and Spock

Star Trek
Sure, it’s got a unified multicultural peace going for it, but how fun would it be for the Earthlings? Not everyone can be Captain Kirk cruising around the galaxy doinking every sexy alien that comes his way. No, the Star Trek Earth is a socialist communal never-never land. Too kumbaya for me.

Star Wars
Unless you’re a Jedi, this Universe sucks. Tattooine and Geonosis are godforsaken deserts. Hoth is a godforsaken ice cube. Dagobah is a godforsaken swamp. Mustafar is a godforsaken lava planet. Alderon gets blown up. There’s the Ewok and Wookie forest planets – no thanks. Naboo is boring as hell. Coruscant is the city planet, but not exactly a dream world. Then there’s all these wars raging. Not “no”, but “hell no”.



lobby card (8)

Logan’s Run
Upside: Every woman on this planet is smoking hot and wears skimpy miniskirts. And you males can order up one of these dynamite foxes to materialize into your living room at the press of a button.

Downside: The whole planet is air conditioned and looks like an 80s mall. Plus you get exterminated when you turn 30. Yeah, I think the cons outweigh the pros in this universe.

Firefly
This is the anti-Star Trek universe. It certainly would make for an interesting place to live, but I can’t say I’d be chomping at the bit to live there. I’ll pass.

Dune
Sandy ultra-serious downerville (aka Arrakis) isn’t calling my name. Plus, everyone’s forever talking about “the spice”. Shut up about the spice already!

UFO

UFO
Now we’re getting warmer. Everything’s groovy and those Moon Maidens are the very definition of shagadelic. However, not to nitpick, things just aren’t that different. Other than SHADO headquarters) things look pretty much as they really were. It was supposed to take place in 1980, so I guess it’s to be expected. No thanks.


Battlestar Galactica, Lost in Space and Space:1999
I never watched the new Battlestar, so I’m going purely on the original series. All I can say about these shows is – who the hell wants to be stuck on a space ship forever? Can you say “cabin fever”? No thanks.

A Clockwork Orange
A grahzny place with ultra-violence and dratsing. For the old in-and-out it’s real horrorshow. But too much krovvy and tolchocking for my tastes.


Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
It’s got all the benefits of Logan’s Run without the mass murder of all 30 year olds. The 25th Century has smoking hot chicks everywhere you look with all the amenities of The Jetsons.  Plus, the people of 2430 obviously appreciate the awesomeness that was 1979.  Discos are "in", as is the Farrah look and the macho Burt Reynolds style.... and there's wisecracking chauvinist robots to boot.  Indeed, there's literally no downside to this universe.  Who needs a freaking "holodeck" when you're livin' the dream, baby!

40 comments:

  1. Star Trek: TNG/DS9 era. SO want a holodeck!

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  2. Yeah, I'll take the Buck Rogers if I get Linda Grey as well! On the other hand, with the holodeck I can have it all!

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  3. Definitely the Star Trek Universe, less chaotic and more rational. Plus, the Enterprise looks like a cozy, fun place.

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  4. This is the best question ever. Space 1999, Logan's Run, and UFO have the best outfits, but I would not really want to live in those universes... so many choices... I do not know how to answer.. My brain is exploding :)

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  5. I'd pick the Thunderbirds universe. Giant rocket-powered vehicles that you can fly right out from under your living room in your secret volcanic island hideout and perfectly coifed hair.

    Or Planet of the Apes universe. The apes have the coolest caskets.

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  6. Babylon 5 universe ,but only as a technomage.

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  7. On second thought , a holodeck would be cool.....

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  8. Holo-deck, that is tempting. Thunderbirds...too many strings attached. I am going to have to switch this over to novels (sorry). Heinlein's "The Number of the Beast" although a bit of a mash-up of previous novels - the idea of a car that can travel to any universe - is too hard to pass up. Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!

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  9. I'd choose the Hitchhiker's universe.

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  10. OK, the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century setting as a place to live: You've listed lots of pluses but you've chosen the one episode that illustrates the problem of living there for in "Cruise Ship to the Stars" you have some very definite pluses trying to mask the minuses.

    So, you're in a world where you're rubbing shoulders with Erin Grey, Dorothy Stratten, Tricia Noble and...erm...the cute nice version of Tricia Noble...and they're all wearing these amazing outfits, especially the Tricia/Nice Girl tangerine minidress. OK, we'll pass over Wilma's bizarre outfits and perm for now. And you're in the lap of luxury and futuristic decadence with no discernable downside...except: Your food is coloured cubes and you have to wear tights. That still up there from the discotheque scene, look at how the men are dressed. And there are more guys on that dance floor than girls. If you're willing to wear sexually ambiguous skin tight clothes and are happy to eat bland cubes, go ahead!

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  11. Remember, the Buck Rogers Universe is not all Disco and spandex.

    The surface of earth has been ravaged by war. The areas between the cities are barren wastes populated by mutants. Food must be imported from off world and there is just enough at any time for the civilized populace. Like the space faring programs, you are confined to your enclosed area and under Marshal law.

    The plus side is that hair and makeup facilities are obviously plentiful and no one is over a size 4. SO you may have something there gilligan.

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  12. Programmer.at.ArmsApril 05, 2011

    "Blake's 7" wasn't mentioned, but I can't say as I'd want to live there, either. Authoritarian government with an ill-equipped rebellion committing acts of terrorism... we already have that. Plus, every planet looks like a disused quarry.

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  13. Beedee-beedee-beedee-Buck sucks! Give me the Jetsons' life.

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  14. 1984. Fahrenheit 451. None of the future looks perfect.

    You just posted about Barbarella. Is there a reason that's left out?

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  15. I'm sure the Doctor could find something palatable. TARDIS anyone?

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  16. If I weren't already past 30 I'd choose the Logan's Run universe since I'd love to be able to order Jenny Agutter to materialize in my room wearing almost nothing. And having the world look like an 80's mall is not a downside to me.
    But since I'm past 30 I'll go with the UFO universe.

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  17. I've coveted the house in A Clockwork Orange for years! Kitsch is my bag!

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  18. You know, when I first read the opening paragraph, my immediate reaction was, "Screw those other SF worlds, Buck Rogers is CLEARLY the best one to live in!" You might even get Wilma Dearing to order you around, woohoo..! :D

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  19. I think I’ve spent more time thinking about this question than I did on my college papers. That would certainly explain my grades.

    Normally I’d base it on the space ships and how cool they were. If that were the case, it would be a toss-up between the Eagle from Space 1999 and the Viper from Battlestar Galactica.

    Part of the problem I have is I tend to place myself in the realm of the title character. It’s the same thing when my students study the Medieval Period. They all envision themselves as nobles living in huge castles when in reality; they would most likely be the serfs. That’s what keeps me away from Star Trek. I wouldn’t be Kirk. With my luck, I’d be wearing a red shirt on an away mission and we all know they have a limited life expectancy. Although I must say that I do like the uniforms for the female crew members.

    I’m way over 30 so Logan’s Run is out of the question. I’d concur with the opinion of the Star Wars worlds being crap. Was never a fan of Blade Runner. I love the Viper but living with the threat of extinction from the Cylons every minute of the day would get old.

    The Eagle may have been cool, but pilots had short lifespans. Plus, having to spend the rest of my life with the same 275 to 320 people would get monotonous.

    I guess it would be a coin flip between Firefly and Buck Rogers. I like westerns so Firefly appeals to me. Serenity kind of grows on you after a while even if it isn’t the greatest looking ship of all the shows. Of course, Buck’s ship and the women do attract me to that universe.

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  20. Another bonus about living in Logan's Run World is that you can use the chat up line "you've said enough, you're beautiful, let's have sex" without getting a slap.

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  21. Well, there's always the lush world *outside* the domed cities of Logan's Run, where loopy Peter Ustinovs quote T.S. Eliot.

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  22. And I used to think Star Trek was the way to go. Little did I know! Buck Rogers is the future in Retro, the fun I remember from high school of a society after war became a dirty thing & the girls just were everything. But please, no Revisited oil embargo, please or I'll have to leave there, too.

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  23. Wow, this is a really tough one. Right off the top, I want to pick the "Star Trek" Original Series universe as I'm such an optimistic sort, but everybody picks that one; it's so predictable and kitschy.

    That makes it even tougher as my other favorite sci-fi universes are grim, oppressive dysfunctional nightmares: Clockwork Orange, Blade Runner, and THX 1138.

    I dig the slick cars and spacecraft and hot-assed chicks in UFO, but I was never that crazy about the show itself.

    So... that leaves Kubrick's 2001 and Red Dwarf. Once again, being an optimistic and idealistic sort, I'll have to go with Kubrick's 2001 -- we've got a base on the Moon, a manned expedition on the way to Jupiter, Pan Am orbital clippers, and Howard Johnson's fried clams in space, f'cripesake. Can't argue with the idea of chowing down on some good old HoJo's fried clams while watching the Earth turn beneath you and phoning home on a videophone while watching old Monty Python reruns on my Newspad. 2001, here I come.

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  24. I'm diggin the comments; lots of impressive arguments to be had here. I'm still going with Buck, but I'm feelin' the love for 2001 as well.

    And, unless you happen to be a Timelord (or his luscious sidekick), the Dr. Who universe kinda sucks.

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  25. Probably Star Trek out of the given choices, but for shits and giggles.... Twilight Zone episode "Eye of the Beholder" yup... pig people.

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  26. Logan's Run would be great place to spend some time again with Charlie's favorite Angel - at the height of her beauty. We miss you, Farrah!

    Battlestar Galactica would be exciting to hang out with red meat eatin', cigar chompin' manly men of steel like dreamy Dirk Benedict at the height of his beauty. But it wouldn't be as much fun as one would hope initially, since Cassieopia's occupation was drastically changed from "Socializer" (ahem...call girl) to nurse. Naw, too PC & too focus on the mormon family for sin to happen. Shucks!

    So Buck Rogers it is! Dorothy Stratten! Wilma! Mel Blanc as Tweki! Bleep, bleep, bleep!

    - Laura

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  27. And, unless you happen to be a Timelord (or his luscious sidekick), the Dr. Who universe kinda sucks.

    That's because of course the Doctor runs around mucking about where things have gone pear-shaped. His Kirkian "inverse Prime Directive" attitude is quite fun, but it means you don't get to see any of the nice planets. An eight-episode run of Jon Pertwee and Elisabeth Sladen on vacation somewhere isn't going to broadcast well...

    I've always imagined that after he's kiboshed the latest googly-eyed/mechanized terror, folks get along quite well. And we know humanity survives and goes to the stars - and apparently endures for a very long time, so there's that going for us... which is nice.

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  28. Man, the UFO gal looks HOT!

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  29. I definetly choose to live on our real universe in 150000Years before, so in Battlestar Galactica universe.

    Ohh, being a galactica officer is priceless.

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  30. ST:TNG easily. Based on the things they said, the Federation will give each citizen at minimum a replicator and an apartment. Then I can spend my days doing Shakespeare for educated audiences? Sign me up!

    Though the gals from UFO make a compelling case. Some of those costumes were positively pornographic by the standards of the time.

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  31. I considered the same topic on my blog just a few days ago: http://www.jamescambias.com/blog/2011/05/favorite-science-fictional-worlds-part-2.html

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  32. AnonymousMay 16, 2011

    I'd pick Logan's run, except i'm over 30....just like i'd pick the old Planet of the Apes....except I'm not an ape

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  33. AnonymousMay 16, 2011

    Actually, in the "Blade Runner"/"Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" universe, the Earth is actually becoming depopulated as a result of World War Terminus.

    The fear of the resultant fallout making people into 'specials' e.g. those not suitable for immigration to colonies on the outer moons and planets is part of what spurred the exodus.

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  34. AnonymousMay 17, 2011

    Of the options given, I'm going to have to say the Firefly universe. There's something simple, and crazy, about it.

    Of the universes NOT listed, I'd say Doctor Who, for sure.

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  35. AnonymousMay 17, 2011

    Certain periods of the Star Trek universe were interstellar war... Bajor/Cardassian area would suck most times, don't want to be stuck in the Klingon empire ever, forget it if you're in Gorn or Orion space.
    If it's before the Shadow War (and after the Earth/Minbari War), I'd pick Babylon 5's universe. Lots of interesting places to live, people to see/do.

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  36. AnonymousMay 17, 2011

    Star Wars wasn't all that great for Jedi either - did you miss Order 66? But I'd still choose that universe over all others. Dr. Who close second.

    Buck Rogers doesn't interest me one iota.

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  37. I'll take the Mirror Universe from Star Trek. Same hot chicks in less clothing and you can advance by killing your boss.

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  38. AnonymousMay 18, 2011

    In Firefly, you had two options: Live on a core world where you would be dictated to by some fascist Alliance bureaucrat or move to the frontier, where you would be surrounded by cannibals on a planet where law and order are, at best, a television show.

    In Star Trek, some commie federation runs your life, and seriously nasty bad guys are floating around all the time. Do you really want to spend 90% of your time earning money to pay taxes to support the 90% of people who spend their entire lives having sex with imaginary women? Do you really want the Borg on your doorstep?

    In Star Wars, we see a lot of planets where nasty things happen, but most of them are relatively stable. Sure, chances are you won't be a Jedi, but who cares? Are you planning on doing enough evil to get the Jedi interested in you? The oppressive government is a problem, but there is also an active Rebellion.

    BSG is out for the obvious reasons: A few thousand people trapped on tiny, enclosed ships without anything to do but hunt for a world that probably doesn't exist while they desperately seek to keep the O2 going.

    Logan's Run: They kill you when you turn 30. A Clockwork Orange: Hallucinogenic milk and crooks running around murdering people at will and cops not permitting self-defense.

    Blade Runner is the obvious choice. Replicants are anomalies, not the usual thing. There are jobs, food, and the option of heading to a new planet. Yeah, all of the turtle questions are a pain in the butt, but what is that compared to marauding aliens or oppressive governments?

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