Things I'd Love to See

What if pop icons from the 70's traveled to 2011 to serve up some serious whoopass? What if they committed acts of violence and shame to teach these contemporary celebs a lesson? For instance, I'd die happy if I could see some melismatic American Idol  contestant butcher a Beatles song only to have a very unhappy and undead George Harrison emerge from beneath the stage, hands outstretched.  At that moment, the camera pans to Jaye P. Morgon and Anson Williams banging the hell out of their gong.  Ahhhhh..... sweet, sweet justice.

Call me disturbed if you will. But I'd love it nonetheless.

I'd also love to see Horatio Cane (what a f***ing stupid name!) pose and posture for the camera as usual; but then is demoted when Columbo and Quincy show the Miami fashion plates how grown ups solve crimes.

I'd like to see a "very special episode" of iCarly where Amanda Cosgrove and her friend visit Gordon Jump's bicycle shop.

I'd love to see some shit kicking badasses like Ronnie Van Zant and Waylon Jennings meet up with Fall Out Boy in a dark alley.

I'd love to see that effeminate brooding vampire from Twilight meet up with a real non-sparkling vampire like Christopher Lee.

I'd love to see the Sex in the City gals take a vacation to the country to "get away from it all"; only to be attacked by the I Spit on Your Grave rednecks. Which chick would be the Final Girl? We know it won't be Kim Cattrall.

I'd love to see the last known picture of Lady Gaga, who's gone missing; a fuzzy image with what appears to be Wendy O. Williams and Dale Bozzio holding her at gunpoint.

I'd love to see the new Cosmo cover where a skeletal supermodel is being sat on by the voluptuous Ann Margret.

I'd love to see a new Eddie Murphy movie where he farts and clowns for a paycheck.... then Redd Foxx comes out of nowhere and gives him one "right across his lip"... and then the film abruptly ends.

Those are some things I'd love to see.


  1. AnonymousJuly 12, 2011

    LMAO! Awesome! I'm totally with that. ^_^

  2. Amen, brother Gilligan! Let's dust off Doc Brown's DeLorean, and get those people back then here in the 21st century!

  3. I would like to see Ironside have a fight with Arty from Glee. I would like to see Sex Pistols on American Idol responding to any 'barbed' criticism; with extreme predjudice.
    I would like to see Michael Myers unleashed on Hollyoaks.
    I would like to see Bruce Bixby out overact Edward Norton in a 'you wouldn't like me'-off.
    I would like to see Sean Connery have atustle with Daniel Craig (to be fair even at his current age Connery would win)
    I would like to see Xena Warrior Princess behead the cast of Harry Potter.

  4. I didn't even get some of your new reference points at first, still don't get a few of them (iCarly?) but will agree with you on principal with those I don't understand.

    My favorite is "I'd love to see the new Cosmo cover where a skeletal supermodel is being sat on by the voluptuous Ann Margret." Man, I WOULD love to see that!

  5. I'd like to see a real superhero team like the Justice League smack the inane heads of the producers and writers of things like "Heroes" and "No Ordinary Family" and show them how superhero teams should be!

  6. AnonymousJuly 12, 2011

    Interesting concept, at first, but to be fair pop culture hasn't changed a ton since the mid-60s. How much of fight would you expect from, say, Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, The Bay City Rollers, Debbie Boone, or The Carpenters? Who would like to see a fight between Alan Alda, Leif Garrett, Woody Allen and Mary Hartman?

  7. Thank God there wasn't reality TV when Fleetwood Mac was in their prime. You just know there would have been some show with them all locked in a house with their hands around each others' necks. ''& on tonight's episode Stevie hangs out with her new BFF Lindsay Lohan!'' Ew....pass.

    I've often said a great SNL skit would be AI with all sorts of people who are successful but not standard AI fare....Waits, Springsteen, Scatman Crothers, Orbison, maybe have Jane Siberry singing 'Smelly cat' the options are endless.