1/25/12

Vintage Men's Mags #22: The Swinger's Alphabet


As of this writing, I've been posting at Retrospace for about three and a half years.  I'd guess about 80 percent of my posts dwell in the seventies.  However, I also have a love for the Mad Men era, the days of Hi-Fi's and Hi-Balls; the primetime of the swingin' bachelor and the Brylcreamed dad forever holding his Scotch and water.

Granted, I didn't live through these days, so I don't have the advantage of recollection, as I do with the seventies. However, I do possess an awful lot of paper materials from this period. Subsequently, I feel I'm best able to reach out and touch this era via Vintage Men's Mags posts.

A 1956 issue Escapade (v01 n06) contained this little alphabet from sent straight from Coolsville. I wish they'd gone all the way to Z; but, I guess that'd be too much of a good thing.




A is for Amour

What some maidens give their all for
And a salmon leaps a fall for.
At sweet sixteen it's so demure,
Then later on becomes mature.
The years pass by and it gets fewer
Until it's really quite obscure.


B is for Bachelor

The bane of predatory females,
The envy of all married he-males.
A man who looks but does not leap;
Who knows that two can't live as cheap.
His life expectancy is shorter
From doing things he hadn't orter.


C is for Cocktail

An appetizer, drink or party
The latter sometimes very arty;
The refuge of the glum escapist
And of the lublimated rapist.
The drinb and canapes they garnish
WIth somethlng I'm quite lure is varnish.


D is for Dame

Such things are said about her frame as:
"There's nothing in the world the same as."
She's called contrary through the ages;
Perverse and worse by scribes and sages.
We've found, in spite of hot dispute,
No satisfactory substitute.


E is for Eve

The first, so says that ancient story
To fit the last named category.
Amanuensis first to Adam -
Her  loose leaf system finally had him
A sense of humor, that's no fibbing
She gave that man an awful ribbing.

7 comments:

  1. Lee in FloridaJanuary 25, 2012

    Not a great example of a "Dame". She looks constipated. Maybe they got the photo from an Ex-Lax photo shoot.

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  2. "Lublimated"? Should that be "sublimated"? Or is that some 1956 play on the term "lubricated", meaning drunk (in the case of the rapist, it could mean a couple things)?

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  3. "D is for Damn" - as in damn hideous beast.

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  4. Look at the lamp in "E." Not only is it some kind of "native," but its arm is jointed and there is a hole in its hand so it can grip a spear accessory.

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  5. Lublimated is what you get after you've been drinbing all night.

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  6. The answer is six.








    (The question: How many martinis do you need to knock back before that "dame" starts to look good?)

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  7. lublimated? drinb? Obviously the person who wrote this was on a drinbing binge.

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