I used to wonder - "Who is the coolest person to have ever lived?" After seeing the Johny Tolengo album cover, I wonder no longer. Question of the Ages: Solved.
However, this doesn't mean there aren't a plethora of studly hombres worthy of our attention. The vintage vinyl universe is bursting at the seams with super studs. For me, the pinnacle of album cover coolness is the classic Boz Scaggs album Silk Degrees. (Amazon link: Silk Degrees) The Boz sits coolly at the edge of a park bench - stoically at one with his inner awesomeness...... But what's this? The feminine hand of a young vixen beacons his company. Will Boz give her a moment of his precious time? One can only speculate.
Not all album covers display this level of subtle coolness. In fact, more often than not, it's brazen machismo to an absurd degree. So, let's all get down on one knee and pay homage to these old-school vinyl super studs. Enjoy!
What are Riki and his two maidens staring at so hypnotically? I can only assume they are gazing into the far reaches of cosmic infinity and subsequently humbled by their own insignificance amid an endless universe... that, or there's a mirror and they're checking out their awesome hair.
Nestor has both Wonder Woman and Supergirl vying for his manly attention - which can only imply that his lovin' is superhuman. Batman, Flash and Superman can go fight crime; meanwhile, Nestor will be bedding down all the DC mamas.
Three high society broads enfolding themselves around his person gives him stud cred right off the bat. The martini on the piano is the cherry on top - coolness personified. His cocksure expression is almost insulting to us "normal folk".
I have so many questions about this one. What is Chabanet 69? What are people dressed like this doing at a pioneer themed location? One question I do not have is whether the man pictured on the album cover keeps his bitches in line. This, he most assuredly does.
It would seem Mister Leroy Gomez is accursed with an almost debilitating level of coolness. This magnitude of babe attraction would not be depicted in the annals of music history until the advent of shitty Photoshopped hip-hop CDs.
A final note: Yes, I noticed these ended up being all non-US releases (minus one). I can't help the fact that those European and Hispanic records were the most flamboyant with their machismo. It is what it is.