10/16/12

Sex Sells #28: Men's Fashion Advertising


It's so easy.  Just lay down a few bucks for our shirts and slacks, and BAM! the chicks will be coming out of the woodwork.  You'll have to beat them off with sticks.  And your girlfriend?  She'll be so overcome with sexual desire, you'll think she's possessed.  But who can blame her? You've become the kind of man you've always dreamed of becoming.... king of his castle, a sex machine, a modern day Adonis.

And it's all because you bought our shirts and slacks.  ....You're quite welcome.




"Dear Friends.... brick Mason, once a shy, retiring lad, shunned by girls.... changed his luck and his life when he discovered Male Scrubbed Jeans...."


And by "nice things" we mean throngs of scantily clad women maniacally starved for your attention.  What can we say? Such is the power of Tads trousers.


Buy our shirts and the 'tame quiet life' you once knew is effing over.  Now, women will lay at your feet as you gaze victoriously upon the ocean.  This is what it is to be king.... and Career Club shirts are the vestments of the gods.

This poor guy.  He's about to be raped by two beautiful females.  As long as he wears Jantzen sweaters, he's imprisoned' by his own superhuman manhood; helpless prey for lusty maidens everywhere he goes.

Ah, yes.  These foolish natives in their grass skirts.  I stand above them, superior in my high wasted slacks.  Fetch me some drink - I grow thirsty!


"It goes right back to its original shape, after every wearing.  No matter how active your golf game.  Or your girl friend."  Wink, wink.  Nudge, nudge. Say no more. Say no more.


Even the family dog has more dignity than these dames.  But don't blame them.  He's wearing Broomsticks slacks - they simply can't control themselves.


Look at the way she is staring at him!  She is ready to literally jump his bones right on that backyard helipad.

12 comments:

  1. Broomstick slacks; putting the 'A' frame into lame

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  2. Isn't that guy in the Jantzen sweater part of the comic relief on Laverne & Shirley?

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  3. I always did want some Tads.

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  4. Maybe I should change my name to Concrete Truckdriver. Adventure is sure to follow!

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    Replies
    1. Maybe, but people will wonder if you're one of Sarah Palin's kids.

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  5. When I was in high school, I kinda hoped/believed that some of these ads were a little true.

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  6. In the last ad, is that Don Draper about to fly into Sterling Cooper?

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  7. The girl in the red cardigan is changing the basic shape of my Brentwood as we speak.

    Ah, Botany 500...suppliers of clothing to Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of CONTROL.

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  8. I think I love you. Great work as always!

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  9. In the last picture, is that the delicious Veronica Hamel?

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    Replies
    1. The Botany 500 spot looks mid '60s, so Hamel may have been younger than that woman...here is a link to how she looked in 1973, modeling in the Sears Fall/Winter catalog:


      http://www.lileks.com/institute/70s/sears1973/2.html

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    2. Thanks for the link, Paul.

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