4/15/13

Ads #65: Monster Stuff for Kids


In the back of men's magazines you had tawdry ads for stag films and blow-up dolls; in the back pages of boys' magazines you had monster stuff.  Today, we're looking at the latter. (Besides, we've already done blow up dolls.)

Naturally, these things often wound up being falsely advertised rip-offs, but did it really matter? It was just so damn cool browsing through the awesome stuff you'll never own.




Here's the one toy in this post that I actually did own.  I'll never forget it - my cousin got me a wolfman model and I thought I'd died and gone to monster-nerd heaven. They really did glow (probably radium infused Styrene, and I'm going to have cancer because of it.... best not to think about that).


(click to enlarge)  Awesome artwork by Jack Davis.  The only illustrator who perhaps could outdo Davis in the Frankie department was John Severin - that man could draw a mean Frankenstein!


Probably worth their weight in albino rhino horn today.  I'm guessing some of these graduated to become the coolest cocaine paraphernalia in town during the seventies. But what's with the glaring lack of Drac?
 

Cool item, but lousy looking advert.  Do we really need a partially obscured Uncle Fester close up in the corner? Hard to believe this was selling for under two bucks!


Speaking of obscured faces with disturbing eye close-ups, here's a couple more.  The Frankenstein Monster crying bloody tears is profoundly troubling.



Of course, most of these ads come from the coolest magazine ever (no, not Juggs) - Famous Monsters of Filmland.  Always a reliable source for cool toys in the back pages.



 Behead your victim over, and over, and over again! It's decapiterrific!


I'm sure it was neat... but "greatest invention ever made"?  I think not.  That honor goes to the Cool Ranch Doritos Taco.



The hand is so freaking tiny.  It's not "spooky" and Thing wasn't green..... or was it? The Addams Family wasn't in color. Hmmmm.


Speaking of disembodied hands, here's one that looks interesting.  Yet, I sincerely doubt it was this lifelike. I'd love to see what it actually looked like.


Endless torturing fun. Makes a perfect holiday gift for any blossoming serial killer.


Stephen King's Creepshow was, of course, an ode to EC comics which contained great mail-order ads in the back pages.  The Venus Fly Trap ad is utilized in the animated portion of the film to great effect.


Wolf Man looks too big for his "wagon" - in fact, it's painful for me to even look at.  Methinks the Wolf Man is better off traveling on foot.

8 comments:

  1. Those Aurora monster model kits were so cool. I built Godzilla, King Kong, and the Forgotten Prisoner. Of course, they looked pretty dumb in the daytime if you didn't paint them (I never did - too excited to build a monster!) because only some parts glowed. Some good photos and original box art here.

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  2. I had a motorized rubber hand like the one in the ad when I was a kid. It was actually very realistic looking, basically a cast of a real hand in flesh colored rubber. The only thing that looked off about it was the fingernails, but it was still pretty scary, especially in the dark. I saved it for years, but the rubber started to have a weird chemical reaction and melted and discolored over time.

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    1. I have a crawling hand too, though it's not very life-like. Still a fun toy, though. :)

      Actually, I took a video of it (just thought of it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8phg-9nleg

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  3. We had The Thing coin bank when I was a kid. It provided minutes of fun!

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  4. I went to a Halloween party that had the giant pin-up Frankenstein.

    I vividly remember several of those ads. Wonder if you could take off the end of your finger with the guillotine?

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  5. Most of the old Aurora kits have been reissued relatively recently by Polar Lights.

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  6. My cousin had all of these items except the Addams Family House. They were so much fun, especially at night, because everything glowed in the dark. We also had some bubble gum cards that featured gruesome creatures and those glowed in the dark too!

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  7. Is it me, or is the "Frankenstein" crying blood actually Fred Gwynne??? Munster tears!

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