You remember specials, right? I'm not talking about TV Movies - I mean, singing, dancing, and cheesiness abounding. I mean the type brimming with Love Boat regulars and Hollywood Squares veterans. They don't exist anymore, but in the seventies and early eighties there was lots of fanfare around even the dumbest variety special.... and we lapped them up and begged for more.
The shame of it is hardly any of them are available to watch. They're not the sort of thing to get transferred to DVD or offered via streaming. Some have been uploaded to YouTube, but they're typically grainy VHS transfers, hardly watchable.
Take for instance this Lindsay Wagner special. Who wants to watch Lindsay sing show tunes and frolic with her new hubby, the debonair and thickly bearded Michael Brandon. I know I do - I'd pay good money to see it again - but I know I'm an anomaly.... a glitch in the Matrix, if you will.
Some well meaning gentleman has indeed uploaded it to YouTube, but, like most vintage YouTube videos, it's in horrible shape. I want to see Paul Anka's polyester leisure suit and deep unhealthy tan in HD dammit!
And speaking of special guests - oh, the humanity! Let's just say the term "special guest" was used very liberally on these shows. Take for instance the Siegfried and Roy special guest - Cydy Garvey. She was the wife of Dodger superstud Steve Garvey and fake co-host of the fake sports show "Games People Play" which at least is responsible for unleashing Mr. T onto the world. But I digress...
More often than not, these specials were geared toward the WWII generation or the Silent Generation. These were shows your grandpa would watch from his La-Z-Boy; these shows were never "cool", they never had a chance to making it to DVD.
But here on Retrospace, we miss them. We want to watch them again. But we're not holding our breath - so, instead let's have a look at their ephemeral TV Guide listings. Enjoy.
"Where Have All the Children Gone?" AKA "We Are Living in a World of Shit"
More appropriate title: "Dolphins, Whales, and Elle Macpherson's Boobs"