10/3/13

Food and Drink #20 : Baconmania



At what point did Americans go apeshit over bacon?  I mean, we've always had a love affair with these greasy, salty strips, but recently it seems we've developed almost a mania for it. It used to be so boring and commonplace, now it's decadent and trendy.  Our taste buds haven't changed - so what has made us all baconphiles?  There's only a couple explanations I can come up with...

The government is testing its ability to manipulate its citizens.  Before it moves on to more Goebbels-esque brainwashing, the Thought Police are conducting an experiment of epic scale. How do they do it? I don't know all their dirty secrets, but they certainly can't resort to subliminal messaging like they used to - they'd be caught red handed in this tech-savvy digital age.




No, they'd have to infiltrate the Hive Mind.  You've got to make these ribbons of fatty pork seem cool, hip, trendy, and decadent.  Some execs at the Food Network will have to do their part, trendy restaurants will have to cooperate as well.  The key is not overdoing it, that would be too obvious.  For instance, have a "bacon skin" for weapons in Call of Duty (that's real)

Once the government has managed to create bacon mania, it's time to move on to more Orwellian brainwashing targets.  Be ready for the decline of bacon in America as it makes way for a new planned seduction.  What will it be?  I'm not sure, but I'm fully prepared to be scratching my head at America's new love affair with Big Banks.


The slightly more likely explanation is that we are constantly being told things are bad for us, which triggers the latent rebelliousness within all of us.  Bacon is so obviously not a health food, that it's like giving the establishment the middle finger with every bite.

As my family can attest, I am not a picky eater but have never liked bacon. I hesitate to even admit it, there's bacon cult members out there who literally take offense.  But I've tried both cheap and expensive varieties, and they all just taste like grimy salt licks.



You can perhaps blame it on years of smoking (I haven't smoked in over ten years, thankfully) which systematically deadened my taste buds.  Or you can blame it on my mother who always put Bacon Bits in my salad.  Whatever the reason, I don't like the shit.

So, as you can imagine, I'm more than a little ready for Bacon Mania to fizzle.  Let's be honest, whether it's a government conspiracy or our inner rebel making us act this way for a lousy strip of meat, it's getting to be just a little bit...... disturbing.....

7 comments:

  1. Mmmmm...this post made me so hungry!

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  2. I love this! While I don't have any particular cause against bacon, seeing it pop up on donuts, in beers, soap and cologne flavors, and dipped in chocolate has just been a bit much for something, like you said, is totally not a health food and not in need of glorifying! :) Too funny! :)

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  3. Government mind control. Yes, that explains bacon, rap music, NASCAR and Ted Cruz.

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  4. Let's see bacon or pancakes, bacon or pancakes, bacon or pancakes...what the heck...I'll have a lot of both thank you very much.

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  5. "but recently it seems we've developed almost a mania for it"

    Yeah, and beards, mustaches, nerdy glasses, glasses that look quite feminine but don't tell the guy wearing them, skinny jeans, etc... In other words, all "things"/fads I won't be wearing/doing myself. :p

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  6. Yes, the bacon mania is quite stupid. Just let delicious bacon be delicious bacon and stop trying to turn us all into fat tubs of lard.

    The government is also manipulating citizens to overuse the word "epic". They've successfully brainwashed you, Gilligan, as you used it in at least 2 posts in a row. It's the Justin Bieber of trendy words. Save it only for movies over 2 hours long that deserve to be called an epic.

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  7. I think bacon became hip when they dedicated a reality show to it..

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