12/6/13

Wonder Woman - S1E5


Wonder Woman, Season 1, Episode 5
Title: "The Feminum Mystique Part II"

I highly recommend you reread the previous episode as this is the second part and things may get confusing. Instead of giving you a rehash of events in Part I, I'll link to it instead.

In this episode, the Nazis land on Paradise Island.... and Nurse Karen from Halloween II thinks they're cute. Enslaved Amazons, big hunks of Feminum, and Drusilla cleavage... what more could you ask for?  Let's go!



When last we left Wonder Girl, she had been chloroformed and brought to an abandoned building by Nazi Colonel Radl (John Saxon).  The purpose: to get his hands on Feminum, the bulletproof material of which her bracelets are composed.  Radl is under the mistaken assumption that Wonder Girl is Wonder Woman, but no matter.  His object is the same.

To test if he has the true Wonder Woman, Radl fires shots at her cellmate Peter Knight.  Wonder Girl quickly deflects the bullets, thus proving her bracelets are legit.


Again with the chloroform!  This is getting ridiculous.  You can see the Nazi henchman holding in his laughter (whilst copping a feel).  I understand WW and Wonder Girl are not immune to chloroform - even Superman had his Kryptonite.  However, what's preventing them from using their super strength to break free? Perhaps, I'm over-thinking it.


So, Radl and his Nazi brethren undo the unconscious Wonder Girl's bracelets and analyze their composition. Sure enough, Feminum is an unrecognizable substance, and it would be perfect to cover all of Hitler's tanks and planes.  the Nazis are literally giddy with the prospect of a bulletproof German army.


Meanwhile, in the holding cell, Peter Knight wakes up staring into Debra Winger's cleavage.  If you'll recall, Peter Knight is the American military scientist who's actually an undercover Nazi scumbag.  You see, he's pretending to be on Wonder Girl's side, acting as a fellow prisoner.


By the way, Peter Knight is played by actor, Charles Frank.  Frank was the co-star of that wonderful TV movie "Ski Lift to Death".  This article is primarily about the female lead, Deborah Raffin; however, I had to share it's Pulitzer Prize winning title.


Peter Knight, feigning injury, manages to extract from Wonder Girl the exact location of Paradise Island. The coordinates - 30,22 North 64,47 West.  FYI The Amazons first commandment is "Never tell anyone about Paradise Island".  Drusilla has been in America for two days and she's already broken it.


Using Google Earth, the coordinates turn out to be spot on.  We know the island is within the Bermuda Triangle, so this point on the map makes sense.  Drusilla explains that it's not visible from above because of light refraction; therefore, the island has never been discovered by man.


Shorty thereafter, Steve Trevor learns that the Nazis are headed to those coordinates.  He's curious why they would choose this isolated spot with no land mass.  Yeoman Diana Prince, however, understands perfectly.  The Nazis are headed to Paradise Island!


Diana takes her invisible plane and hauls ass to her homeland.  But when she warns her mother about the impending threat, she doesn't take it seriously.  Evidently, the Queen has been watching too many Hogan's Heroes episodes.
Queen: Why don't you just reason with the Nazis?
Diana: Mother, take my word for it.  There's no reasoning with the Nazis.
Why is it so hard to believe that an evil nation is coming to take their Feminum (and possibly their maidenhood)?  It's a wonder Paradise Island hadn't been subdued a thousand years ago.  They make Switzerland look like Sparta.


Diana's fellow Amazons are no better than the Queen.  They can't quite grasp the gravity of the situation.  Once the Nazis do show up, the girls toss them into the ocean, giggling like schoolgirls. At one point, one of the girls actually says, ""I don't care what Diana says, I think they're cute!"  Did she really just say that?

The giggling Amazon on the right is played by Pamela Susan Shoop.  You may remember her from Halloween II as Nurse Karen.


Nurse Karen is the one who shows up late to work then abandons her patients to get busy with her boyfriend in the hospital hot tub.  Michael Myers doesn't like tardiness.


Yep.  As you might have guessed, things take a turn for the worst.  The Nazis start gassing the Amazons and they drop like flies.  Paradise Island is the easiest victory for the Germans since they annexed Austria.

NOTE:  It is later learned that there are only 8 Nazi soldiers and 2 Nazi officers on the island.  Thus, Paradise Island was conquered by less than a dozen Nazis.  Embarrassing.


Drusilla has escaped captivity and tries to warn Steve Trevor of the Nazi plot.  She also informs him that Peter Knight is a rat bastard.  Steve actually believes her story, has Peter arrested.... not realizing there's still another German spy right under his nose.

Lieutenant Wertz (Peter Shenar - the dude that played Sosa in Scarface) is posing as a mechanic.  So, having that sonofabitch Peter in custody is nice, but there's still trouble afoot.


Who's laughing now?  The Amazons have become enslaved by the Nazis.  Day and night, they must toil at the Feminum mines, carrying baskets of the substance and loading it for shipment for The Third Reich.   What do you think about your Nazi dreamboats now, girls?
A Word About Feminum:Prolonged exposure to Feminum gave the residents of Paradise Island their super human strength and immortality. Bracelets made from this material could deflect bullets but only the extremely athletic Amazons had the speed and coordination to attempt this maneuver. In the Wonder Woman comic books that inspired the TV series the substance "Feminum" was called "Amazonian." 

WW isn't going to stand for this garbage and plots a mutiny.  She gets a hold of everyone's bracelets and sneaks them into the baskets which are distributed secretly to all the Amazons.  Their power restored, the Amazons regain control..... but not so fast....

Colonel Radl has a gun to the Queen's head.  "One more step and I'll blow this bitch's brains out!" he yells.


Okay, he doesn't really say that.  But he does threaten to take her out if all the Amazons don't remove their bracelets.  Too bad the Queen has one of her own.  In one of the lamest surrenders ever, Radl gives up when the Queen points her little bracelet at him.

Are we to believe that the Queen will deflect the bullet? He could put the muzzle to her temple..... I don't get it.  Just because she holds up bullet proof material the size of a Post-It note shouldn't mean the battle has been won.  This is lame even for a campy show like Wonder Woman.


Afterwards, Drusilla confesses to the Queen that she feels like shit for giving away the location of Paradise Island.  The Queen poo-poos it, but it does bring up an interesting point.  Now that the Nazis know the location, why wouldn't we expect future battles?  What's to prevent the Nazis from sending in a much more equipped battalion of soldiers?

The Queen thinks the Nazis will let it go, believing that this whole Paradise Island thing was a lie.  The Amazons have erased the memories of the last 7 days from the minds of the 10 Nazis and plan to set them out to sea adrift on a rubber raft.


The sisters return to America to take care of the final threat - Lieutenant Wertz, who has subdued Steve and is commandeering the top secret jet.  Thankfully, WW is there to physically stop the plane from taking off, and Wonder Girl is there to catch the runaway Lieutenant.

Things are all wrapped up very nicely.  Paradise Island is safe, the Nazis defeated, and the jet still in American hands.  So, what have we learned from all this? Well, for one, Lynda Carter and Debra Winger look a whole lot better in their costumes.



END NOTES

STEVE RESCUE COUNT = 1  (RUNNING TOTAL = 10)
WW KO = 1 (RUNNING TOTAL = 3)

TOP 10 NAZI SCREW UPS DURING "THE FEMINUM MYSTIQUE"
  1. Send only 10 Nazis to enslave Paradise Island
  2. Allow the Allies to know they were heading to those coordinates
  3. Go through the effort of stealing the secret jet when the plane's designer, Peter Knight, is an undercover Nazi himself.  In other words, why not just have him build them one?
  4. Knowing that Wonder Girl has super powers, send a single Nazi in to give her refreshments.  Obviously, she's going to kick his ass and escape.
  5. Mistake Wonder Girl for Wonder Woman.  What's the matter, didn't they have a single photo to go by?
  6. Surrender to the Amazons simply because the Queen holds up a tiny bullet proof square
  7. Not kill their constant foil, Wonder Woman, when they had the chance (when she was gassed on Paradise Island)
  8. When the Nazis were enslaving the Amazons, not wear the powerful bracelets themselves.
  9. Keep such a poor eye on the Amazons that the bracelets were able to be regained and Amazon was able to put their bracelets back on right under their noses
  10. Exhibited such poor aim, that when they came in guns blazing to hijack the jet, the Nazis missed every single shot.  Not one single bullet hit a single American.... thus allowing them to radio Blankenship and self destruct the jet mid-flight.

3 comments:

  1. I'm actually glad they were too stupid/lazy to give the actresses authentic forties hairstyles. The Breck Girls in Nazi Germany.

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  2. Hello! I really, really love your blog!! Your articles are always fascinating. And where do you find all of these pictures?! I see you review Wonder Woman episodes, and I'm wondering why you don't also review cCharlie's Angels episodes. Maybe you don't like the show? But if you did decide to spend some time on Charlie's Angels, I would really really appreciate it. Thanks for everything :)

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  3. make me horny during the chloro scenes!
    best with the classics under the steage fausta scene !!!

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