Gilligan and the Professor start things off by listing our top three "synthesizer songs". James Taylor be damned - we're talkin' Pet Shop Boys level synthesizers.
Next, we tackle the VHS classic "Killer Worker" (AKA Aerobicide). So, put on your baby blue legwarmers and pink pastel thong leotard - it's time to get physical!
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Proceed onward for the screen capture gallery....
It all starts innocently enough with a freak tanning bed accident
Then it's on to the aerobics class - a scene you will see time and again. It seems every killing and conversation is intercut with scenes from the aerobics class. If you were to remove them, this movie would probably be 15 minutes long.
We're introduced to Jamie who has the distinction of being the only girl in the film to take her top off and not repulse he audience. (You'll see what I mean.)
Next, we're introduced to Rhonda who spends the majority of her screen time rolling her eyes with disgust.
The body count begins. I lost track of how many times gym members are zipped up and hauled off.
Cut to the aerobics class which bookends each and every scene.
Poor Jimmy spends most of his screen time either being rejected by the ladies (above) or having his ass beat.
Here's Chuck. He's an undercover P.I., super stud, and the director's brother.
Chuck thinks rapey Jimmy is the killer (wouldn't you?). Jimmy gets his ass handed to him.
Cut to the aerobics class. It just never gets old.
Poor Jamie is sad because all her friends are dropping like flies. "She was so pretty..."
"Not anymore," says some callous bastard off camera. Who said that?....
It's Lt. Morgan. Possibly the biggest dick and worst detective to ever grace the silver screen.
Morgan in his trademark Members Only jacket. Truly, this man owns this movie. I hung on his every word.
Cut to rapey Jimmy getting rejected once again. He should just throw in the towel.
Lt. Morgan finally gets his shit together (over 20 members have croaked on his watch, and he still hasn't shut down the gym). He realizes it must be Rachel! She was the gal at the top of the movie cooked by the tanning bed... now she seeks revenge on all those prettier than her!
Youch! Rachel randomly decides to expose her horribly disfigured breasts to Lt. Morgan.
Like the audience, Lt. Morgan is sufficiently horrified. He knows she's responsible for a mass murder that would make Jason Voorhees look like a lightweight... yet he can't prove it.
Rachel and her mutilated boobs are back on the killing spree. This time rapey Jimmy takes the fall.
Lt. Morgan can't abide by this anymore. If he can't prove her guilt, he'll just have to take justice into his own hands. He takes Rachel to the woods to dig her own grave. I won't tell you what happens next - but you can be assured, it's followed by a scene from the aerobics class....