Vintage Scan #36: Parade (March 21, 1971)

Any Seventiesophile has to admit these Parade magazines are solid gold.  In this issue we have meteorologists wondering if we are entering a New Ice Age.  Also, scientists agree - motherhood is ancient history.

Whenever I see a vintage cigarette advertisement I instantly look for the subliminal sexual imagery, and I'm almost never disappointed.  This one has a gal lifting her skirt up..... yes, she's trying not to get her dress wet, but the sex is never direct (no one in a cigarette ad is ever actually having sex - it's always laid between the lines).

Remember when toilet paper and tissue paper were bold colors?  It's reason enough to go back to the seventies just to wipe your ass with harvest gold TP.

"Motherhood in 2000 AD"

Motherhood is vastly overrated as a career.

Who says so? Dr. Beverley Mead, chairman of the Psy­chiatry Department at the Creighton University School of Medicine, Omaha, Neb.

"It is dreadful," Dr. Mead asserts, "for a woman to spend her life, first as somebody's daughter, then as somebody's wife, and finally as somebody's mother."

According to Dr. Mead, the traditional judgment of marriage and motherhood as noble and fitting is primarily a psychological device developed over the years to help women adapt to their once inevitable biological fate.

"But now." he declares, "the pill and other scien­tific developments have made this self-sacrificial, Madonna-like role unneces­sary. Women in the future will not be able to depend upon motherhood for ful­fillment. They will have fewer children and they will spend less time in rearing them.

"The typical family of the future," Dr. Mead de­clares, "will have one child, maybe two, and the mother won't have to spend much time in cleaning, cooking, and child-tending."

At a recent meeting of the Obstetrical and Gyne­cological Assembly of Southern California, Pro­fessor Mead explained that society is currently in a state of transition, "but we are still dragging along the chains of such inap­propriate concepts as the beauty and sacredness of motherhood.

"Twenty years ago a mother's biggest job was to create a secure and loving home—a well-lined nest—for her offspring.

"That's still necessary and desirable, but I want to emphasize that it's no longer enough to do just that. A fulfilled woman can no longer make a career of being a mother.

"The 'new' mother will probably prove much bet­ter," Dr. Mead believes. "Children today need a dif­ferent kind of rearing. They need to feel secure, but they also need to learn to think for themselves much sooner than before. They need more sophisti­cated mothers who have wider experiences of the world than mothers have traditionally enjoyed. They need more than a warm nest sheltered from the outside world."

According to another pedagogue, 43-year-old Desmond King-Hele, deputy chief scientist of Great Britain's Royal Aircraft Establishment and author of The End of the Twentieth Century?, many future mothers will relinquish child bearing by the simple process of having their fertilized eggs transferred to foster mothers, who will undergo nine months of pregnancy.

"I call the process pre­natal adoption," says King-Hele, "and it would be a boon to childless couples."

King-Hele predicts that before the century is out, physicians may take the fertilized egg from the mother and even grow it in an artificial laboratory "womb."

"In ideally controlled conditions," he suggests, "we could well produce healthier and more intel­ligent babies."

In short, modern scien­tists agree, motherhood in modern Western civilization is changing rapidly. For the educated, intelligent, alert woman, it is not go­ing to be enough, certainly not 30 years from now.

"New Ice Age?"

Since World War II our winters have been grow­ing colder and longer, world meteorolo­gists point out.

According to Dr. Murray J. Mitchell of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, "Generally speaking, the world warmed up by one degree Fahren­heit between the end of the 19th century and World War II. Since World War II, it has cooled off again, by one-half a degree Fahren­heit."

The cooling trend is even more apparent in Europe, where winters have beep harsher, and spring later since 1940. German meteor­ologist Dr. Martin Rode-wald believes that the Continent may even be at
the beginning of a new ice age. "If the present cold trend lasts longer than another two decades," Dr. Rodewald predicts, "Europe will be covered with.the glaciers of a new ice age by the turn of the cen­tury."

American and Danish weather researchers in North Greenland, drilling down through 1400 meters of ice to read the weather record of 800 years, found that cold and warm cycles run for an average of 78 to 180 years. On this basis, Dr. Rodewald does not foresee another warming trend before the year 2015. He claims an 85 percent accuracy rate in his pre­diction, or about the reli­ability of the daily weather forecast.

Cigarettes Are For Loving.

Bleech!  Remember that golden harvest TP I mentioned earlier; make sure you've got plenty of rolls in stock.

If you want to get an idea of the sweeping change that was rolling across this country in the form of Baby Boomers, read this little nugget.  Not only are they the largest generation this country has ever seen before (or since) but they are highly educated (by comparison).  Great change is afoot.

Education Gap

One of the most outstanding and overlooked developments in U.S. society during the past 30 years has been the education explosion.

The proportion of Americans who were graduated from high school in the past three decades has zoomed from 38 percent to 75 percent.

The proportion of young adults with college degrees has almost tripled since 1940, rising from 6 per­cent to 16 percent.

There are now 40 million young people in this country between the ages of 14 and 24. They constitute 20 percent of the population.

They are getting far more educa­tion than their parents, most of whom did not progress beyond high school.

In short, the so-called "genera­tion gap" is a misnomer. What sep­arates the young from the old is education. The young, in millions of cases, are better educated than their elders as regards formal schooling. One result is social conflict on al­most all levels. College graduates tend to hold far more liberal values on politics, sex, money, education, religion, art, and child-rearing than people who were not graduated from or did not attend college.

In the 1964-65 school year there were 4.6 million college students in this land. In the 1969-70 school year there were 7.4 million, including 492,000 blacks.

In the 1970-71 school year, the figure is projected to approach 8 million college students.

The educational gains of the last three decades have been so enor­mous in this country and have so changed the proportion of the most highly educated segment of the population that many manufac­turers, parents, advertisers, and gov­ernment agencies have failed to keep abreast of the change.

American society is en route to becoming the most highly educated and urbanized in the world.

Leaving the Nest

Recent census figures indicate a 200 percent increase in the number of young people under 24 who are living alone or away from home.

After that "Hotter Dog", this actually looks tasty.  Splash on a little Heinz 57 and dig in!

It's actually illegal for tobacco companies to make ads like this anymore.  Must protect the kiddies.

Women - are you boring your husbands?  The answer: take lots and lots of caffeine. 


  1. " It's reason enough to go back to the seventies just to wipe your ass with harvest gold TP. " I just laughed harder than I have for some time!

    My wife rarely drinks caffeine, so when she has a Pepsi, good things happen.

  2. Nice to see Hollow Man on the cover. I wonder how they got his wife n kids to smile?

  3. The guy who said future children would be better off should see today's pathetic generation of kids.

    1. Well, since woman no longer have to make a "career" out of raising children, what did you expect?
      We got what we wanted and the kids be damned.

  4. Not only was the toilet paper and tissues colored, it was printed with patterns. Oh my god! Bring that back! White is so boring.

  5. AnonymousJuly 13, 2015

    It's springtime! Let's trounce about in the nearby stream and smoke menthols! Groovy!!

  6. It's not only toilet paper that was available in a rainbow of colors, but also automobile interiors! Everything is black or dark gray now, maybe tan if you're lucky. I should be able to buy a brand new Chrysler with a royal blue velour interior if I so choose!

  7. AnonymousJuly 18, 2015

    Regarding the Salem Ad............. I was sure by the young misses stance she had just relieved herself in that fresh mountain spring.


    1. AnonymousJuly 18, 2015

      Perhaps they found Red Dye #4 was no better for your rear than it was for you fore? also, there is no one smiling on the cover.

  8. The great global cooling scare of the 70's. I'm sure the couple in the L&M ad are huddling for warmth.