8/27/15

The Vintage Home #20: Homeowners How To (March-April 1978)


Homeowners How To  (Vol 03 No 2 Mar-Apr 1978) is a nice little window into the vintage homestead, featuring lots of classic 70s decor, advertisements and even fashions.  Let's take a look at some of the highlights....





Man, the brick kitchen used to be "the" look.  Just add tons of houseplants, gaudy curtains, glass containers holding nuts, some linoleum, a small cheesy picture with Ziggy or something on it, a couple ashtrays, and you've got yourself the perfect Seventies kitchen.


This is what I love about the 1970s - everything looks like its ready to erupt into a porno at any minute.  Even a reinforced plastics advertisement is bursting with sexual energy...


It's an ad for translucent paneling, but it could also serve as an adults only movie poster.  Such was the disco era.


Now we get to the decor section which focuses on wallpaper.  The bold black and white stripes on the wall are a perfect compliment to the black and white stripes of the dead zebra, don't you think?


Are you ready for some seriously loud wallpaper?  The home-pros above look innocent enough... but just wait till you see their retina scarring creations...


1970s wallpaper was anything but subtle.


I wonder how far into the 1980s this wallpaper made it before some poor schlub had to scrape it off.


The poor kid probably can't even focus to read his comic book with that obnoxious wallpaper surrounding him.  Somebody get some Ritalin stat!


Great Scot!  They've even wallpaper the cabinetry! This has gotten out of hand.


Okay, my eyeballs are tired.  Let's move away from the wallpaper...


For some reason Homeowners How To contains a needlework section.  I guess they figured if you were crafty enough to install a bathroom sink, you'd also be up for sewing a dress.

The model they chose for these dresses (which are about as loud as the wallpaper) seems a tad unstable...


"What am I supposed to do? You won't answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan!"



Unless your kid is actually going to be Annie in the school play, I'd highly recommend NOT making her an Annie dress.


I used to love watching ol' Norm Abrams on The New Yankee Workshop.  "And remember this: there is no more important safety rule than to wear these."


THE END


6 comments:

  1. The girl in the four dresses really looks like Amy Schumer. It's really noticeable in the pic that you clipped out of the four.

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    Replies
    1. What? That girl is good looking, so she can look nothing like Lamy Schumer.

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  2. My parents' house still has Z-Brick on one wall in the dining room. Still looks great!

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  3. Measure twice cut once. Sage advice from Mr. Abrams.

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  4. Great post! Remember the old line: 'Oh the Horror!'? Here, it would be: 'Oh the Wallpaper'!

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  5. That wallpaper was horrendous. It made my neck whiplash back in shock with the first look and it only got worse from there.

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