Young Nurses in Love (1989)/Naughty Nymphs (1972)
Tonight's Double Feature takes a look at two comedies from different decades and different continents, both featuring nurses. Enjoy the shows.
Young Nurses in Love (1989)
After Airplane! (1980) there was an onslaught of similarly wacky spoofs that lasted through the next decade. There was already a tendency toward manic cocaine fueled silliness around this time (ex. Night Shift, DC Cab, Get Crazy); but Airplane! ushered in the era of silly spoofs. Young Doctors in Love (1982) may have been the first to follow directly in its path.
Young Doctors in Love starred a host of my favorite funny guys (Michael Richards, Dabney Coleman, Michael McKean, Rick Overton, Taylor Negron), but, just didn't do it for me. Sure, it was non-stop gags from the man behind Happy Days, Gary Marshall, no less; however, it landed on the unfunny side more often than not.
Then, alongs comes Young Nurses in Love six years later. In no way was this an official sequel, nor did it have anyone affiliated with the first. But it's not just cashing in on the name; it actually tries to maintain that same breakneck rate of gag delivery in a style not unlike its predecessors. The same brand of comedy found in Airplane! and Young Doctors in Love is found here. Let's see how it stacks up...
Our story begins with Ellis Smith (Jeanne Marie), at right, who is Hoover Hospital's new nurse. Little do they know, she is actually a Soviet spy on a mission to steal sperm from the hospital's sperm bank. The hospital evidently has sperm from renowned geniuses like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison; the commies will use their sperm to create their master race of Russian geniuses.
The girl on the left is Bunny, played by Jennifer Delora. Delora is infamous for being the second Miss America (after Vanessa Williams) to be decrowned (for appearing topless in a movie). Delora went on to earn two PhD's, which is a remarkable feat considering she is 100% deaf in one ear, and 90% deaf in the other.
Ellis ends up rooming with a couple of her fellow nurses, Bunny and Darla (Barbra Robb). She
manages to sneak into the sperm bank and walk out with a map of the area, which she brings back to her room. Notice she has a cooler ready on hand.
Also at Hoover Hospital is Dr. Reilly, who happens to be a CIA operative put here to track Ellis (the US government is wise to the Soviet semen-snatch plan). He communicates with headquarters via his stethoscope - which is supposed to serve as comedy.
Ellis manages to steal the frozen sperm samples, but as you can imagine, there's all manner of obstacles and hijinx along the way. For instance, at one point they land in the punch bowl. About to have a drink is the nurses' manager, Francesca, played by Veronica Hart, one of my favorite B-movie actresses.
There are a number of love triangles to keep track of in Young Nurses in Love. For instance, there is a Dr.Young (Harvey Siegel) who's hot for Darla... but Darla is hot for Dr. Reilly (the CIA hunk)... but Dr. Reilly is hot for Ellis.... who just wants her sperm and to get the hell out. And Bunny - she's hot for anyone with money.
There's a number of silly side stories in the film; none worthy of mention. However, here's an example:
There's a mob boss at the hospital for facial reconstruction. As you might have predicted, there are rival mobsters there to take him out. One of them is Stu (Daniel Chapman), who's posing as a doctor. Bunny, always hungry for a rich good-looking doctor, spies the dashing "Dr. Stu" and is hot on the case.
But it's the tough-as-nails boss, Francesca, who's hot on the case...
I'm going to go ahead and say this, and you can believe it or not: This is possibly the most embarrassing scene I've ever watched in movie - ever. Francesca throws herself at a restrained Dr. Stu in the most wildly over-the-top manner imaginable. Obviously, this is supposed to be funny - a stark contrast to Francesca's normally cold, hard-boiled personality. But, dear God, it's hard to watch a topless Veronica Hart make kooky faces, spout gibberish, while frantically dry humping this man.
Also at the hospital is Putnam (Beth Broderick), Ellis' KGB boss. She's there to see to it that Ellis completes her mission. You may recognize Broderick as a regular from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch or a ton of other more recent roles (Lost, Under the Dome).
The end is as predicable as can be: Ellis and Dr. Reilly abandon their silly political games, fall in love and live happily ever after.
Overall, this is an objectively terrible film. The jokes are awful, and the T&A is woefully sparse: minus the cringeworthy Veronica Hart scene, there's scarcely any nudity at all in Young Nurses in Love. Admittedly, it's nice to see a nursing staff wearing short white dresses instead of scrubs: so, I suppose it's not all bad. The film is nuts enough and the girls are hot enough to hold any guy's interest, but, in the end, you're left with a comedy that's simply not funny - and that is never a good thing.
Naughty Nymphs (1972) AKA Die liebestollen Apothekerstöchter
Poor Elizabeth (Sybil Danning). She's been fired again for sexual improprieties, so she's back home with her dad - to his great shame since he's the community's biggest voice against sexual immorality.
The funny thing is, Elizabeth is a virgin, a paragon of virtue. It's all so unfair, especially considering her two slutty sisters, Christel (Alena Penz) and Maria (Eva Garden), are held in such high regard by her father.
Naughty nymphs, Christel and Maria, are a tad concerned that their frigid sister is going to cramp their style. They've been enjoying the amorous life under their father's radar, and would hate to see it end.
Maria: "If she finds us messing around, she'll tell father."
Christel: "That would be a disaster."
Maria: "And all of our fun will have to come to a stop."
And so the foundation for this sex romp has been set up. Just like the first five minutes of Three's Company, the foundation for comedy has been laid. Let the laughs, misunderstandings and compromising positions begin!
Elizabeth is a registered nurse, and a dashing local doctor has requested her employment. Her father, a pharmacist, is promised all of the doctor's prescriptions if she'll take his offer. He demands that she go.
Maria and Christel hatch a plan to have Elizabeth bedded, Perhaps, if they can get frigid Liz frollicking in the sack, they won't have to contend with her stifling virtue. So, they find a local buffoon to stealth into her room while they listen in...
The bumbling idiot, Nikolaus (Wolfgang Jansen) strikes out with Elizabeth, but when he mentions his back problem, she's only too quick to help out, utilizing her nursing skills.
Of course, the physical therapy sounds a lot like sex to the two eavesdroppers. "We're finally getting there... just a little more... (passionate groan)...." In true Three's Company fashion, Maria and Cristel believe their plan a success. But then their dad arrives...
Elizabeth hustles Nikolaus out the door before father walks in. The good: We get to see Sybil Danning in a nightie. The bad: Her father obviously has a sexual attraction to her, which makes this whole dynamic more than a little bit creepy. I understand it's to illustrate his hypocrisy, but still.
Elizabeth shows up for work at Dr. Markus Körner's "Rejuvenation Clinic" and is unhappy to find the nurses' uniform is insanely provocative. The good doctor insists it's for the well-being of his patients; Elizabeth is nonplussed.
As you can imagine, the male patients are only too fond of their new nurse in such an outfit. When she complains to Dr. Körner, he simply explains that her unorthodox uniform is doing its job - the patient suffering from being "ineffectual in bed" is now cured! It's hard to argue with that.
The nurses at the Rejuvenation Clinic are getting a little tired of the sexual harassment, so they decide to put some sedatives into the patients' tea. One problem: those aren't sleeping pills.
The night before, Maria and Cristel stole their father's male potency wonder pills. Their intention was to use the aphrodisiac to get Elizabeth laid; instead, it's going to enliven an already overly horny hospital populace... trouble awaits.
What could have been a funny scene, turns a bit dark. The male patients start clamoring for the nurses like sex-crazed zombies. The poor women are chased around, clothes ripped off, and rape seems right around the corner; however, Dr. Körner arrives in time to stop the mayhem.
Meanwhile, the clueless and creepy father has hired a maid about the homestead; and, of course, he must have her clean the chandelier, bend over, etc. Hypocrisy has never been so much fun.
Finally, the film steers us to the climax, and the wheels fall off. Get ready for some convoluted mistaken identity comedy that puts Three's Company to shame....
I'm going to do my best to explain this, but the web of misunderstandings is so complex, it's probably a lost cause. I'll take it step by step:
- Dr. Körner takes Elizabeth to Munich with him for a conference (and the creepy father insists Maria come along too)
- It turns out that there is no conference; Dr. Körner just wanted an excuse to get lovely Liz to a hotel
- Elizabeth is pissed, Dr. Körner leaves, and her and Maria get wasted at the hotel lounge
- Maria gets raped.
Yep, you read that right. Some of their potency pills accidentally finder their way into the mouth of an innocent guy. He becomes a sex maniac, and ravages Maria sleeping alone in her room, but she's too drunk to fight it. This is comedy? Suffice it to say, this is 1970s Europe: it was a different time and place.
- Elizabeth finds that Maria has had sex and she thinks it was Dr. Körner. Now she really hates him.
In the end, the misunderstandings are resolved. The final scene shows the creepy dad saying goodnight to each of his daughters, clueless that each one is in bed with a man.... including his maid... and including Elizabeth - the shock!
Yep. Elizabeth is in the sack with Dr. Körner - she's finally seen the light that abstinence is for losers. The End.
While Naughty Nymphs does win the prize for best nurse uniform in cinematic history, there's not much else to hang onto in this film. The gags are cheesy and lame, and the T&A is pretty tame all things considered. You certainly don't go into a film like this expecting much beyond mediocre laughs and titillation, and it doesn't come near surpassing those woefully low expectations. In the end, however, I can think of worse ways to spend an hour than watching a movie, no matter how shitty, featuring a young Sybil Danning in a skimpy nurse's uniform.