Magazines #50: Woman's Day (December 1985)
Sure, dad looks a little bit like a psychopath, and mom's sanity is clearly hanging by a thread, but that's just part of the magic of the holidays.
Let's take a look at a Christmas issue of Woman's Day magazine from December 3rd, 1985 and see what they had to offer ladies of the mid-eighties. Enjoy!
I simply wasn't into this stuff in my teenage years, so I have absolutely no memory of a Dynasty II featuring Chuck Heston. Seems like a crummy career choice for a dude who was A List for the two decades prior.
Look closely and you can actually see the Spunky Chunks.
Not only is it comfortable, but you can sit far away from your spouse or sibling. Relax with a glass of wine with your annoying husband seemingly miles away.
Can someone please pass the cheese and salsa? - those Mexican Grabbits need a little something, don't you think? They're just big wads of meatloaf betwixt a taco shell.
Merry Christmas! We come bearing a shitload of houseplants and pocketfuls of sausages.
"Nothing beats a great pair of legs" - truer words were never uttered by man.
It's 1985 - sparkly bow ties are officially "in".
Hey it's just like an old timey gas station with full service and numbers that go round.... oh, wait - that's what gas stations were like in 1985. God I'm old.
It's 1985 - what's this lad singing? My guess is "Careless Whisper" or "I Want to Know What Love Is".
Is it just me, or are you also sad that the box of Alpha Keri conceals a glimpse of ass? "Keri is so very" in the f***ing way.
"Iron letters on bought pajamas" to say "Mom", "Dad" and... "Peanut"?
I haven't looked in a Woman's Day in thirty years, so I can't say for sure, but I would be surprised to see Christian depictions of Christmas in the magazine today.
They didn't have the terminology for it back then, but today we call it the RBF (Resting Bitch Face).
"We girls can do anything. Right, Barbie!"
Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that a little politically incorrect? Boys may want to play with Barbies too, dammit! Time to sue Mattel for making my effeminate son have self-esteem issues.
Hey, look. You can store a single cherry tomato in your storage bag. Just eat the damn tomato, Dom!
Ah, hosiery. It still hasn't made the comeback in the States as I was hoping. Although, there is cause for optimism.
And finally, here's the cover in case you care. Happy Holidays!