Wonder Woman: S2E7
Note that we're skipping ahead to Episode 7 since Episode 6 was covered in March of 2010 (The Boob Tube #14). With Martin Mull as a hypnotizing rock star and Eve Plumb (Jan Brady), it's not to be missed.
Today's episode: "The Queen and the Thief" - Original Air Date: Oct. 28, 1977
The episode begins with truly the dumbest reason Diana Prince ever turned into Wonder Woman: because she's late for work!
Yes, Diana gets a call from Steve Trevor to hurry her ass to work, and so WW literally leapfrogs across town to not be tardy for the meeting.
Dear God, I can't wait for Joe to leave the show. He's as tiring and pointless as another old fart I know: Dr. Elias Huer in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century,
Anyway, the set up is this: The Queen of Malakar is coming to Palm Springs. Steve and Diana will have to go undercover to protect her from a world class thief and master-of-disguise, Evan Robley.
Diana poses as a maid for the Malakar Embassy. Clearly, this is a missed opportunity. Linda Carter in a French Maid outfit would have been the stuff of legend; instead, we get her in a dowdy old-lady maid disguise.
Queen Kathryn of Malakar is played by Juliet Mills. Mills was no stranger to guest appearances on 70s television (Fantasy Island, Love Boat, Hart to Hart, Hawaii 5-O, etc). And Retrospace readers are well familiar with her famous sister, Hayley.
The Queen has stupidly brought her priceless jewels to Palm Springs and the aforementioned thief, Evan Robley, has her convinced he's her undercover bodyguard posing as a Malakar Count. She's clearly not the brightest bulb in the history of Malakar royalty.
If you've been following along with these WW posts, then you know that Steve is a pathetic liability. He's the Damsel-in-Distress of the WW series; constantly getting knocked out and taken as hostage. This time Steve is gassed by Evan Robley and collapses in a heap. Check out the cool duds though.
WW pays a visit to the Queen and tells her she's been duped. She tells her that her faithful bodyguard is really the shyster Evan Robley, who's only interested in her jewels.
WW confronts Evan Robley who passes her Lasso of Truth test: he says he hasn't stolen the queen's jewels - and he's telling the truth.
Under the champagne are hidden jewels - but they're fakes. It seems both Robley and WW have been tricked. The queen's real jewels have indeed been stolen, but by who?
WW's expression says it all. Lots of boring talking, with very little in the way of action and excitement. This episode thus far is the most tedious of all three seasons.
I mean, the setting is Palm Springs, but all we get is this crummy Malakar Embassy. There are no great guest stars, and the action is almost nonexistent - the fact that the episode started with a hasty work commute should've been a dead giveaway this was going to be a dud. (But stay tuned, you'll soon see that things improve significantly)
More mind-numbing dialog; this time it's between the queen and Ambassador Orrick (John Colicos). You may recognize Colicos from the 2 billion appearances on 1970s TV as well as being Baltar on Battlestar Galactica.
Orrick is the real thief. He's taken the queen's jewels and placed them in an impenetrable safe in the embassy's basement...
WW and Robley work together to get the jewels, while Steve guards the entrance (I think they just gave him that job so he'll have something to do).
One slight touch to the floor of the basement and a lethal gas will be released. So, Robley anchors a rope to the railing while WW swings in upside down (Mission Impossible style)....
WHOA! Looks like this episode just got a whole lot better. WW hangs tethered to an upper railing, and her boobs are as close to falling out as I've ever seen. This is insane... and the scene lasts a good while.
I can just picture dads across this nation in 1977 watching this scene with rapt attention. Too bad they didn't have "pause" and "rewind" back then.
WW breaks the lock off the safe then tosses it to Robley. Jiggle TV at its finest.
The villainous Ambassador Orrick enters the room and nearly foils their plan; but WW contorts into yet another jaw-dropping position and flings her tiara at him.
Now that Orrick has been subdued, the last thing to do is grab the queen's jewels..
Success! Amazing how this went from being the most piss poor episode ever to possibly the greatest in a matter of minutes.
So, the jewels are returned to the queen, Robley and Her Majesty fall in love, and everyone lives happily ever after. The first forty minutes of this are almost unwatchable, but the last bit is definitely worth "hanging around for". (insert fake laughter) THE END