Season 2, Episode 8 - "I Do, I Do" (Original Air Date: Nov. 11th, 1977)
In this episode: runaway golf carts, incomprehensibly ugly eyewear, and massage parlor treachery. It's not to be missed. Let's watch...
What's this? Wonder Woman's getting married? No, it's just Diana Prince - actually without glasses in public. Thankfully, this episode marks the end of the Clark Kent ridiculousness of always wearing spectacles.
The episode is entitled "I Do, I Do"; obviously inspired by the musical, but I'm not sure how many 70s kids picked up on the reference.
Here we have the most boring curmudgeon on earth, Joe, giving her away, and trusty Steve as the best man. But who's this dolt she's marrying? Spoiler alert - Diana's going under deep cover, it's all a part of the plan. And the guy is White House aid, Christian Harrison (John Getz).
Let's take a moment to reflect on Diana's bridal gown. What is that around her neck? Just wow.
When it's time to kiss the bride, we see Steve in the background playing pocket pool. Do you think there's a part of him that wants to beat the crap out of this punk Christian and claim this bride for himself? I wonder.
The newlyweds stop for some gas and a cheeseburger on the way to their honeymoon. I simply had to get a shot of those gas prices. 67.9 cents per gallon.... that seems like nothing, but adjusted for inflation, it translates to $2.66 in today's dollars.
At the burger joint we get to see Diana sport a truly godawful pair of glasses. They are hideous!
While at the restaurant, Diana spies a shady character in a double-breasted suit rifling through the trunk of their Mercedes. Time for some Wonder Woman action.
The thugs try to attack her with a crowbar, but she bends it... with a tire, but she catches it and hoops it over them, Eventually, Christian hears the ruckus and heads over there, only to have his ass handed to him.
WW must rescue him instead of apprehending the bud guys.
When Christian meets the superheroine, you get the distinct impression he'd rather leave with her than go back to Diana and her stupid tinted glasses.
The lovely young couple check into the Hacienda Health Spa in Scottsdale, Arizona for their honeymoon. But all is not as it seems. Are you ready for some long winded exposition?
Okay, Christian and Diana are visited by Sam, a high ranking government official. To him, the "couple" explain the whole business:
- They're not really married. It's all a facade.
- There is some major top secret leaks that have been traced back to this resort. Specifically, back to the wives of government officials who visit this resort.
- Diana is now a wife of a high ranking government official at this resort... thus a prime target for information. But how exactly is the information leaking? That's what she's there to find out.
- The prime suspect: the owner of this resort - David Allan.
Got it? Let's move on.
And here's David Allen (Henry Darrow) giving a massage to Sam's wife, Dolly (Celeste Holm). With his massage, he drives her to the point of what seems like a silent orgasm.
I think I'm beginning to see how Allen gets his information from the Washington wives.
Diana takes in some tennis while Christian goes for a nap. On the court, she recognizes one of the instructors is being one of the thugs from the gas station!
To relieve her tennis elbow, Diana heads to the sauna.... where, naturally, she gets gassed. (Rarely does a WW episode go by without a gassing. Whether it's Steve or Diana, someone's getting KO'd by fumes.)
The camera leers at Diana's cleavage as she's taken from the sauna to the massage center. There, a groggy Diana is primed for information extraction via David Allen's nimble fingers.
Granted it's better than her wedding gown neck-frills, but Diana has been wrapping that white towel around her neck for the past ten minutes: at the pool, on the tennis court, in the sauna, now in the massage parlor. Enough with the towel.
Anyway, she eavesdrops on Allen telling his henchmen to kill Christian and Sam. I'm not totally clear why.... something to do with the top secret leaks being traced back to Sam's wife.
Wonder Woman to the rescue...
I'm sorry, but this is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. The bad guys remote control Sam and Christian's golf cart to go out of control. WW arrives and stops the vehicle before it goes off a cliff.
Question: Why didn't Sam and Christian just jump out of the cart? I don't need WW to save me from an out of control golf cart. I just step out.
I'm just sayin'.
The climactic scene: David Allen holds Christian at gunpoint, and WW is powerless to do anything about it. That is until Christian deliberately drops the briefcase full of money, and Allen stupidly bends over to pick it up.
A pretty lame final battle.
Always, we're back at HQ and the gang (Joe and Steve) have a good laugh. Nevermind that Christian was falling in love with Diana, and now he's left heartbroken and alone. Oh well, at least they caught the baddie and can share in a good chuckle.... freeze framing on her gargantuan glasses. I will be glad to see these go in the episodes to come.