Yuletide Grooves #7: Naughty Mistletunes

Okay, the title of this post may be overstating it a bit, but these are still a lot of naughty fun. I don't think any of these songs actually have strong language - they're more playful than graphic - so it's probably safe for work. With each song I've included a brief description, a memorable line from the song, and the song itself for you to listen to.  I hope you enjoy them!

"Santa Claus Is Coming to My House" by Karla Devito (1982)
Lyric: ""Even though it wouldn't be right, I want Santa Claus to come and stay all night!"

Karla was the wife of actor Robbie Benson, who actually co-wrote this piece-o-crap. You may remember Karla as the girl that sings alongside Meatloaf in the video for "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"; although, that's not actually her voice on the record. Unfortuneately, it is her real voice in this Christmas song, and it's excruciating!

DeVito, Karla - Santa Claus Is Coming To My House .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

[IMPORTANT NOTE: In some browsers, in order to play the beeMP3 music files, you must be viewing the full post, not the truncated post with "Read More" at the bottom. Simply click the post title or the "Read More" link to view the full post.]

"Back Door Santa" by Clarence Carter (1968)
Lyric: "I ain't like old St. Nick, he don't come but once a year."

From the blind dude that brought you the dirty hits, "Strokin'" and "Sixty Minute Man". The horn break from  "Backdoor Santa" is actually sampled in the Run DMC song "Christmas in Hollis".

Clarence Carter - Back Door Santa .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

"I'll Be Your Santa, Baby" by Rufus Thomas (1973)
Lyric" "I'll slide down your chimney and bring you lots of joy, what I got for you, mama, it ain't just a toy."

Is this not the funkiest, coolest Christmas song you've ever heard in your life? I freaking love every second of this badassss holiday classic! Trivia: Rufus Tomas is mentioned in Kill Bill Vol 2 by the wedding chapel piano player, played by Samuel L Jackson.

"Trim Your Tree" by Jimmy Butler (1954)
Lyric: "I'm gonna bring along my hatchet, my beautiful Christmas balls, I'll sprinkle my snow all on your tree, hang a mistletoe on your walls."

The double entendre doesn't get much thicker than this folks.  Every word in this song seems to have some kind of sexual connotation. A special thanks to Hip Christmas' "Horny Holidays" list for bringing to mind several of these songs, including this one.

Butler, Jimmy - Trim Your Tree .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

"Come On Santa, Let's Have a Ball" by Kay Martin and Her Bodyguards  (1962)

I saved the best for last. This is the mother of all dirty Christmas songs.  For years, the I Know What He Wants for Christmas record was going for hundreds on ebay, but only fuzzy crappy images of the cover existed on the interwebs. Plus, no one was posting the songs to download.  Yet, the lousy images were enough to entice seekers of obscure holiday records. There were two options: pay big bucks on ebay or remain horribly frustrated.

Then, the greatest of all Christmas record blogs, A Christmas Yuleblog, acquired the record and a good quality scan of the front and back was unleashed upon the world (see image above).  The songs were soon to follow. You may have noticed that in the past couple years tons of vintage goodies lost to the sands of time have emerged, thanks to things like YouTube, Rapidshare, Blogger, etc.

Was it worth the wait and anticipation? Well, that depends on your expectations. If you expected the next Sgt. Pepper, you were sure to be disappointed. But if you expected just a naughty and hilarious holiday romp, you got it!

Kay Martin And Her Body Guards - Come On Santa, Let's Have A Ball .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine


  1. Ha! Suddenly I like Xmas music again. Thank you!

  2. You may remember Karla as the girl that sings alongside Meatloaf in the video for "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"; although, that's not actually her voice on the record.

    Quite true. The actual singer was Ellen Foley, who was the original blonde public defender on Night Court before Markie Post replaced her.

  3. The blues are always good for naughty fun.

    I like the little giggle at the end of the Karla Devito song. Yes, I listened to the whole thing.

    That Kay Martin song is really something else!

  4. I always love to hear some dirty tunes. It's really cool when they are Christmas tunes. We all know Santa is a dirty old man.

    BTW, I hope you'll check out my Sugar and Spice blog today. I posted some of my favorite December Playboy covers. I'd love to see what you think. Thanks.

  5. Other than the Karla DeVito atrocity these were a lot of fun. The Kay Martin stuff was great.

  6. Great post. It seems fitting that the Kay Martin song is played with an...um...organ.

  7. Excellent list!

    My favourite dodgy Christmas song is called "Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me" recorded by The Goodies in the 1970s. Really dodgy!

  8. I've been looking for a song called, "I Think Santa is a Dirty Old Man". I don't know who the artist or group is. Can you help? have you ever heard of this song?!