Ads #29: False Advertising

You mean, I can have 300 attractive females at my disposal for one lousy buck? Hot dog!  I can't wait to hook up with these farmer's daughters, grieving widows, and lonely nurses. Where do I send the check?..... Hey, wait a minute. This sounds too good to be true. This wouldn't by any chance be a scam, now would it?

I'm thinkin', yes. Major scam. Take a look through men's magazines from the 50's and 60's, and they're loaded with this type of false advertising.  It makes me wonder how many dollar bills actually went in the mail to these frauds.  Kid's comic books were filled with similar rip-offs like Sea Monkeys and X-Ray Specs; the men's mags were no different - just geared toward grown men. Let's take a look at a few.

I love this one! Judging by the expression on this guy's face, I think he may have just learned the hard way that you can't really make a healthy living with a foosball franchise. He seems to be crying bitterly, and perhaps stabbing himself at the same time. A hard lesson learned, indeed.

If foosball franchises aren't your cup of tea, how about becoming a typewriter repair man, (ahem).... excuse me, a typewriter maintenance expert. Just think, gorgeous women will be paying you handsomely for your services - sounds like a dream come true.

Now we're talkin'. I can have absolute control over my fellow human beings for only a few dollars! With a fingersnap, I can command my boss to give me a raise and have my children do chores without griping. Sounds like $2.00 well spent!

Hey, wait a minute! You don't think this absolute power over the human mind would ever be used for evil - like making women into personal sex slaves? 'Cause it looks from this advertisement that he may be planning to use this incredible power to satisfy his burning lust. With great power comes great responsibility - I hope this never falls into the wrong hands.

This poor woman has torn her dress, is falling out of her blouse, and seems disoriented and vulnerable. Good thing there's a handsome, highly paid accident investigator there to assist! Man, they never told me about this cool job at Career Day!

Here's yet another accident investigator ad scam.  Evidently, when an attractive woman hurts her calf, you'll be the first to be called. 

I wonder if any schlubs ever got away with this - if there's some old woman right now wearing a 50 year old diamondite ring that she never new was fake. It says it looks like a real diamond, will cut glass and is guaranteed for life. This diamondite may have had something going for it- I wonder how it stacks up against cubic zirconia.

Of course, the mother of all frauds is the "make a he-man out of a weakling" advertisement. These come in so many varieties that I need to cover them in a post of their own. It perfectly capitalized on the inadequacies felt by men who read these magazines. You are a pathetic girly-man - get up off your bony ass and send a check to Charles Atlas now!


  1. I do remember getting "Sea Monkeys" from a store, and being very disappointed. Supposedly, the "sea monkeys" were tiny shrimp, but I didn't even see that!

    Anyway... as a nerdy, shy adolescent, I could have used a "farmerette" or two!! Or maybe a "lonely nurse."

  2. There's a perhaps apocraphyl story of a classified ad that ran in magazines in the early seventies that promised absolutely nothing and simply said, "Please send 1.00 to..." and had a PO Box. Supposedly the guy made a fortune!

  3. The necklace Kate Winslet's character wore though her life in Titanic was, unfortunately for her, nothing but a piece of Diamondite. You're here in my heart--yeah right!

  4. Blimey, it's just like spam email, isn't it?

    Nothing ever changes!

  5. I spent what disposable income I had in the '60s on comic books. You'd get a lot of these same ads. Wait a minute, are you telling me that Charles Atlas was a scam!

  6. Awesome...the 300 Pretty Girls for $1 is cracking me up. How many widows between the ages of 18-22 would be on the list? Unless their husbands died in farming accidents...

  7. In the 70's I fell for the "get a Million Dollars in Civil War Currency!" for only 35cents. It was so nice when the dues to join (or remain in) the Experience club, was sooo inexpensive. Now, it seems it could cost a kid or gullible adult their lives.

    Great Post, Foosball sounds like a word out of the ebonic's dictionary. I have often been called a "Foo" for lesser things.

  8. Kaitlenne BApril 10, 2011

    Wow, I need to read your blog more. Well, I heard of someone saying "GREAT DANE DOG 200$" in an ad and shipped a dead dog in a kennel to someone who had previously sent 200$ dollars. Talk about a "scam"!

  9. Oddly enough, I ran across the very same "meet widows and farmerettes" ad last night while I was reading an old "Police Dragnet." There were tons of similar ads, and I was wondering exactly how the scam worked. Did the reader send in $1 and just never receive anything? Or did he get a list of girls, and then need to send more money to actually correspond with someone? Or did he get phony photos and a couple of P.O. box addresses, all owned by the same person.... who then wheedled money out of the guy with sob stories? I am really curious how far the scammers went.

    Great site. I love it.