Cinema #23: Killer Lobby Cards (Part 6)

This rated PG sequel to The Land that Time Forgot is pure cinematic cheese; don't come looking for a Merchant-Ivory production here. As much as I like to see E. M. Forester's literature translated for the big screen, I can't help but prefer lighthearted 1970s schlock. This movie delivers, if for no other reason than cavegirl Dana Gillespie's wardrobe.


Mini Skirt Monday #102: More Cheerleaders

"Gimme an 'M', gimme an 'I", gimme an 'N', gimme an 'I'..... What does that spell?" Happiness.

It's amazing that something so inexorably linked with pretty girls actually began exclusively with men.  Cheerleading has its origins at Princeton when it was 'guys only'. By the 1940s, females started infiltrating the business, but the miniskirt was still a couple decades away. Typically, the gals wore tucked in blouses or button up shirts with wool skirts that extended well below the knee.

Pleated cotton skirts were introduced in the '60s, and the hemline began its gradual rise, culminating in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders of the '70s. The look became much more 'athletic' and pushed some sexual boundaries as well; sometimes utilizing the miniskirt's first-cousin - hotpants.  

And so, here we are in 2012.  The uniform has remained largely unchanged, and for that we're thankful.  Unlike the rest of the world, the cheerleader's hemline never fell back down. It stayed up, and thus it deserves a special place here at Retrospace.  We've done a cheerleader post once before; but with a whole new shipment of vintage pics, it's high time for another. Enjoy.


Comic Books #37: Horny Archie Comics

I know, I know. I probably publish more than my share of Archie posts..... but I just can't get enough of them. They are the cowbell to my inner Bruce Dickinson. In many ways, Archie comics are the ultimate resource for that retro flavor. The fashions, the attitudes, the pop culture references - they're cocaine infused candy for the retro-obsessed.

One aspect of the teenage life that was perfectly captured in these Archie comics was the blinding slap-happy horniness of adolescence. A common thread throughout the decades was that the boys of Riverdale High are straight-up 'unzipped' - i.e. when a pretty girl crosses their line of sight, the wheels come off... 


Vintage Men's Mags #22: The Swinger's Alphabet

As of this writing, I've been posting at Retrospace for about three and a half years.  I'd guess about 80 percent of my posts dwell in the seventies.  However, I also have a love for the Mad Men era, the days of Hi-Fi's and Hi-Balls; the primetime of the swingin' bachelor and the Brylcreamed dad forever holding his Scotch and water.

Granted, I didn't live through these days, so I don't have the advantage of recollection, as I do with the seventies. However, I do possess an awful lot of paper materials from this period. Subsequently, I feel I'm best able to reach out and touch this era via Vintage Men's Mags posts.

A 1956 issue Escapade (v01 n06) contained this little alphabet from sent straight from Coolsville. I wish they'd gone all the way to Z; but, I guess that'd be too much of a good thing.


Retrospace Mix Tape #21: Sci-Fi Soundtracks

Is this the greatest science fiction compilation of all time? Well, it's got three songs from The Ice Pirates and one from Gremlins 2 (which is not even science fiction). So, I think we can safely say it's not the greatest.... or even halfway good by anybody's standards.

However, if you're a fan of Retrospace, you're a fan of things a tad off the beaten path. I'd, personally, rather have 3 songs from The Ice Pirates than another tired Star Wars theme. So, I think you'll enjoy this collection of odd stuff from old science fiction soundtracks. Enjoy.


Mini Skirt Monday #101: The Modniks Mini Revolt

The "Mini Revolt" story in Modniks No.2 (1970) definitely qualifies as one of the great moments in miniskirt history. The story goes something like this: Miniskirts are outlawed at Surfside High (gasp!), resulting in a protest and a TV debate. Predictably, the mini triumphs and the principal is disgraced for his Puritanical thinking. In the end, even the principal's wife and the PTA start hiking up their hemlines.  Stand in the way of the miniskirt and you just might get burned.


Occult #12: Mixology

Yes, I know. Zodiac themed bartending isn't exactly demonology; however, astrology I think qualifies as occult related, even if it is pretty lightweight.  I'll refer you to a previous post on these Southern Comfort sponsored magazine inserts.  This time I've scanned a different Mixology leaflet (this one is from 1973), and this time it's the whole shebang (i.e. I wasn't lazy this time, and decided to scan every page).

Download the twelve page PDF
Below are a couple sample pages.


Pancakes #1

3 minutes from pancakes
I don't want to use the actual word (rhymes with "corn", begins with "p") because this post is liable to get tons of traffic from those looking for rather unwholesome entertainment. Not that there's anything wrong with it; however, that's not what this post is about, and there's no sense in disappointing tens of thousands of people, right? So, I'll use a random code word as a catch-all - how about "pancake"?

Ever get the feeling, when looking at old pictures from around the 70s, that the people in the photographs are about ten seconds from making pancakes? It was the sexual revolution, Boomers are in their prime, and social/moral constraints were kicked to the curb.... it was prime time to have sex without regard for consequence. In other words, there's a damn good reason you get that uneasy feeling looking at these pictures, life itself was always within minutes of becoming a giant pancake.

Those who've done time in prison can attest to the all encompassing feeling that, at any given second, things could erupt into violence.  Those who've been on the front lines in the military can verify that there is an unabating feeling that, at any second, you could be under attack.  And those that lived in the seventies can attest to the fact that, at any given moment, things could erupt into pancakes.

Like England Dan and John Ford Coley would say, "I'm not talking about moving in, and I don't want to change your life. But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out and I'd really love to see you tonight."  In other words, forget commitment, let's screw.

Let's take a look at some pictures that appear to have been taken only moments before making pancakes. Discerning readers will note that many come from pancake magazines; however, many do not - and I'll not tell which is which. Suffice it to say, the entire decade was essentially one big pancake magazine.

An innocent cup of tea shared among too friends?.... or an appetizer before pancakes.


Mini Skirt Monday #100

I'm going to try and resist the temptation of turning this into an achievement bigger than it really is. It's just the 100th Mini Skirt Monday post, that's all. Nothing to write home about.

That being said.... HOLY SHIT! WE'VE DONE ONE HUNDRED OF THESE MOTHERF***ERS!  Basically, since February 2009, I've been delivering vintage minis to the masses, and the response has been good. Truth be told, the response has been too good..... Mini Skirt Monday posts typically outperform any other posts I come up with, which can sometimes be a little disheartening.  Week after week, I'll labor for hours over well thought out posts, and they do not hold a candle to a Mini Skirt Monday post I threw together in ten minutes. In terms of ad revenue and page impressions, these posts can't be beat - the idea of just doing Miniskirt posts exclusively has crossed my mind on more than one occasion.  I suppose it would get old, eventually. But, then again, we're in post one-hundred and it still seems fresh and fun.


Vintage Wheels #15: The Top 20 Sexually Suggestive Auto Ads

The time-honored connection between cars and sex has been well tended by Madison Avenue. There's always been a not-so-subtle link in auto advertising, but the advent of the Sexual Revolution brought a whole new meaning to the "sex sells" approach.

Here are my top twenty sexually suggestive auto ads.  Please note: (1) these include auto equipment ads, and (2) by "top 20" I mean "my favorite 20" - this isn't an objective process, folks. This is one man's opinion - I'd love to hear yours.


God only knows what's going on here.  I can only assume "car napped" is a play on the word "kidnapped". So, not only do we have a car named Magnum (a word that oozes masculinity), but we have a gentelman creeping up behind a lady asking her if she wants to be carnapped. "How intriguing", she whispers back. (gag)


This is a poorly done advertisement from an old newspaper.  I wouldn't have included it on the list if it wasn't for the fact that it is so incredibly suggestive. This is innuendo taken to the limit - I mean, for God's sake the converter is basically made into a vagina!

It doesn't get much more direct than this, folks.  In fact, it almost doesn't seem right to call it "suggestive" as there is nothing being suggested here - they are straight up saying it, no subtext allowed.
Daisy Dukes and Farrah hair = keys to automatic inclusion in this list.

"Get Blown"... really? Wow. If this wasn't such a poor newspaper copy, it'd be much higher on the list. If anyone knows of a color magazine version of this ad, send me a link.

Get it? Car Pet versus Carpet? (Yeesh. Tough crowd)

I found this in an old newspaper. Holy crap. It took me a minute to even realize they were referring to convertables.
This one earns a place for its not-so-subtle tag line... which Pro-Trac was evidently quite proud of, because they used it repeatedly.

There is absolutely no reason for this chick to be wearing a bikini.  This is completely gratuitous sexploitation to sell a product.... and I like it.

Close your eyes, kids. Don't let the balloons fool you - this muffler ad is adults only.

A Spanish ad for the TR7.  My understanding is that the auto ended up a flop due to quality control issues; however, this ad is anything but.  A pure win in my book... if only the car had lived up to its advertising.

Pan's People appeared in a number of Multi Glide adverts. For those not familiar with this group of ladies, this would be the equivalent of having the Solid Gold Dancers do a Valvoline ad.  Click the images below to view full sized.

One of the most gorgeous women in history in a sexy scuba outfit? This is a no brainer - move to the front of the line.

This ad has been covered before on Retrospace. Let me just sum it up: you could write an entire PhD dissertation and barely graze the surface of the number of male fantasies in this one single advertisement.  Hotpants, trucks, motorcycles, girls running, girls making out, men watching, trucks spewing smoke, etc., etc.

Detail from the advertisement. Click to enlarge

The ultimate in explicit auto advertising. First of all, it's expertly done from a first person perspective - as if you are the proud owner of this chick magnet.  Second, the ad copy at the top lets you know right off the bat that this ain't no wood paneled metallic pea station wagon. 

And then there's the high beams.  The boobs in this ad are legendary. If memory serves, this ad only appeared in adult publications such as Esquire, Cosmo and Playboy; but, I could be mistaken. Either way, this is a bold ad - just try and look away from those breasts, you can't.


Vintage Reads #32: Espionage and Action Paperbacks (Part 1)

The entire allure of the espionage novel is to escape from your humdrum world and live vicariously through a suave badass as he kills bad guys and beds women.  The storylines are spiced with a modicum of violence; however, for the most part, the reader is there to just to watch him work his magic.

The lead character has its origins in shady gumshoes from the likes of Spillane and from film noir private dicks.  They are every bit the anti-heroes - their ultimate aim is to do good; however, their humanity often gets in the way. Whether it's sexual urges or just arrogance (I'm talkin' to you, Bond!), things often get complicated in their pursuit for truth and justice.

Naturally, when a convention of the genre happens to be shagging hotties, you're going to get some wonderfully risque cover art.  These covers make it abundantly clear: this is not a stuffy Hercule Poirot mystery - there's going to be a generous helping of sex involved. Miss Marple would not be pleased.

So, here's a few covers from the late sixties and seventies. By this time, paperbacks had largely moved away from the beautifully painted pulps that we are all probably familiar with, and moved on to poorly conceived photographs.  They're not nearly as good a quality, but still a part of the history of espionage/action fiction nonetheless. Enjoy.


Comic Books #36: Lois Lane

Lois Lane was never the sharpest tool in the shed - reading these old comics, one starts to wonder if she has a mental disability of some kind. But, to be fair, you have to take these old comics in context - women in general weren't exactly portrayed equitably back then.  However, it's still a lot of fun to look at these old Superman comics - especially the surprisingly long running Superman's Girlfried: Lois Lane comics.  Every issue is literally about (1) Lois' undying devotion to her Man of Steel and (2) her retarded choices. Take for instance....

Really, Lois? You're going to sign a scroll witnessed by "Satan, Prince of Darkness"? I have a nasty feeling this isn't the smartest thing you've done all day.

Mini Skirt Monday #99: Minis on Stage

Shakespeare and Moliere are great and all, but you know what would make 'em better? (I'll give you a minute to think.......) Answer: Miniskirts

Whether it was a local talent show, the school play, or choir recital, you couldn't always depend on it being a good performance, but back in the early seventies you could always depend on there being lots and lots of miniskirts. So, perhaps the recital was painfully off-key, and maybe the actors and actresses flubbed their lines in the play - the plethora of high hemlines made it all okay for the young lads (and dare I say dads) in attendance.

My job, as proprietor of Retrospace, is to resurrect these old minis every Monday and, thankfully, plenty of proud parents and local newspapers caught some of the acts on film. Enjoy.


Vintage Musicians #6

Recognize the ladies pictured above? Probably not.  They're a singing group called Unusual Me - one of the many lounge acts that played in hotels across our great land in the 1970s.  I've bemoaned the loss of the lounge many times on Retrospace, so I won't waste your time with another grouchy complaint.  Suffice it to say, there was a particular magic in these darkened smoke filled lounges.  Call them cheesy if you want; I say Ho Jo lost its mojo when it converted their lounges to business conference rooms.

So, enjoy another round of publicity shots of lounge acts (and other small venue performers). If you're interested in more of the same, check out my previous post on the topic. Enjoy.


Vintage Men's Mags #21: The Island of Unsatisfied Women

Over the years, I've given you plenty of eye candy when it comes to vintage men's magazines.  However, I think it's time we actually sat down and read one of these beautiful pulp rags.  The covers and titles are lurid and titillating, but aren't you even a bit curious to read some of the stories? As an avid reader and an obsessive trash lover, I can't help but swallow up some of these wonderfully horrible adventure tales.

So, I've taken the time to scan a particularly gritty tale from a 1967 issue of True Adventures magazine entitled "Island of Unsatisfied Women" by Dick Revenaugh. I hope you enjoy it.


Decade of Decadence #11: Pick Up Lines

The pick-up line was an integral part of the vast semen drenched spawning that was the 1970s.  In the days before World of Warcraft and HDTV, young adults by the tens of millions flooded local bars to perform a  mating ritual that preceded a night of recreational sex.  The pick-up line: cheesy by today's jaded and cynical standards, a harbinger of sweaty loveless fornication to the 1970s Boomer on the make.

So, without further ado, here's some great seventies pick up lines with accompanying photos. Enjoy.
You’re once, twice, three times a lady.

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

I hope you know CPR, baby, because you take my breath away.

Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.


Comic Books #35: Betty & Veronica Fashions

I'm a big fan of Archie comics; I've been reading them for nearly forty years.  Recently, I got a hold of a bunch of Archie's Girls: Betty & Veronica comics.  What leapt out at me was how wonderfully in tune with teen culture they were - specifically the fashion and styles of the day. Bell bottoms, platform shoes, hot pants, Mork suspenders... they were all in Betty & Veronica comics.

Take a look at these "pin up/fashion" pages which were a regular feature in the comic during the late sixties and seventies..


Magazines #32: Going Steady - When Is It Immoral

An article in the August 1957 issue of People Today caught my eye, and I just had to share. 'Going Steady' When Is It Immoral? is a real eye opener as to how far we've come (either backward or forward, depending on your perspective) as far as what's acceptable and unacceptable in teenage relationships.  I think you'll find it both amusing and horrifying. Enjoy.


People Today (August 1957)

"Each time we start to neck it gets harder to stop." This dilemma of teenage "steadies" has caused many parents, psychiatrists and clergymen to regard the practice of going steady as an open invitation to immorality.

If a boy and girl see each other constantly, they are likely to become more physically involved than either of them bargained for-which may be one reason why the median age of brides and grooms has dropped
nearly two years in only a decade (to 20 and 23), and why the mothers of 30 per cent of the current crop
of first babies are girls who average approximately nineteen years of age.

Going steady is simply a verbal agreement between a boy and girl that they will date only each other. So long as they do, they're going steady. Then where does the danger lie? When it comes to sex, one thing leads to another and going steady becomes immoral. Catholic theologians regard the practice as an almost inevitable cause of sin. They contend that a boy and girl who are going steady (without planning to marry within a few months) can be compared to a would-be-reformed alcoholic who gets a job as a bartender. In Lynn, Mass., the Right Rev. Monsignor Joseph McGlinchey banned going steady for students of coed St. Mary's Parochial High school with this comment: "Going steady is a menace to the purity of our youth."


Mini Skirt Monday #98: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

The New Year is here and, as we all recover from our hangovers and the year that was 2011 (Christ, I hope this one's better), I thought I'd celebrate the date with a festive themed Miniskirt Monday post.

This one's got bunches of vintage pictures of girls in minis at parties, clowning around, and just having fun. Let's recall that the miniskirt, back then, was just as much (if not more) about the the girls as it was the boys. It was the perfect display of liberation, youth, and general freedom of a new generation of female youth.  Sure, the guys loved it, but it was a statement, baby. It was a statement about casting aside old hang-ups and semi-puritanical constraints.

In other words, the mini was about letting your hair down and having a good time - a middle finger to the discretion of their parent's generation. Enjoy!


Retrospace Podcast #24

It's time for another twenty or so minutes of audio gold from Retrospace. For those of you unfamiliar, it's just a combination of songs and sounds from yesteryear; no talking, just sonic grooves for your aural pleasure.

Those who want something with actual content (i.e. an audio version of Retrospace), stay tuned.  A new type of podcast is in the works. Until then, here's episode twenty four.