Comic Books #41: Campus Loves 1950

I'm  a sucker for those old romance comics. It's not because I'm an old softy, it's because I'm jaded, sardonic, and cynical.  These things crack me up for all the wrong reasons.  The moral lessons laid out in these comic books seem almost like they're from another planet.  But, believe it or not, they were gobbled up by young girls and easily stacked up against the superhero, horror and action comics of the day.

I'd like to look at one in particular today, but I can assure there'll be many more to come.  This one is a story called "They Said I Was Fast" in Campus Loves #2 (1950).  You can tell immediately where the story is headed from the initial panel, but I'll bet you can't guess where it winds up.

Obviously, we've got a problem here.  Tess is wanting to go to college for all the wrong reasons.  Instead of learning a respectable profession like secretarial work or nursing, she wants to just get drunk and screw.  At least she's honest about it.

It doesn't take long before Tess is on the prowl.  And from the looks of things, she's in heat. It's quite alright for guys to be on the make, but a chick? That's just wrong. (Note: tongue is planted firmly in cheek)  This young man doesn't know what he's in for...

As it turns out, his name is Elmer and he's straight off a farm.  Subsequently, he's ill equipped to handle the likes of Tess.... give him a sheep or Bershire Swine and he's a regular Casanova, but with experienced ladies like Tess, he's out of his league.

Well, Tess' horny shenanigans don't stop with Elmer.  Soon, she's making a play for every "gorgeous hunk of corn fed man" she can round up.  Perhaps, things are getting out of hand when it starts to penetrate (pun intended) the classroom.  Her instructor is only too quick to nip this in the bud.

Things reach a climax (pun intended) when Tess is trying to study math with a fellow student and he can't keep his filthy paws off her.  Has it come to this? Her reputation has literally made it impossible to be around men without them expecting some trim.

But reputation is not at the top of Tess' concerns.  The fact that she's considered the campus whore is not registering on her radar.... but her instructor is.  Tess has erotic fantasies about this straight laced math professor, and she just can't shake it.  Maybe it's because he's the only man on campus that she can't have.

As you might expect, Tess' reputation as Queen Slut has infected the entire student body. She's become a regular Sandra Fluke (tongue still in cheek - don't get mad).  I mean, Helen Slade was saying Bill Ford told her that she liked to be hog tied and spanked.

Even Tom doesn't mind if his chum has sloppy seconds..... or in Tess' case, sloppy one-hundred and forty-sixths.  I kid.

Whatever will Tess do? Her reputation is ruined beyond repair.  Should she go home to daddy and ask to transfer to another school where she can start a new leaf?  Or should she face the consequences and prove by example that she's not like that anymore?.What will it be?

As luck would have it, the math professor had been secretly in love with Tess all along! In the end, they get married and Tess lives happily ever after.

You see kids, if you slut around enough, something good is bound to happen.  The End.


  1. Well, as long as she doesn't have syphilis, and she isn't trying to sucker him into raising the custodian's kid, then I wish them all the happiness in the world.

  2. Thanks for the post! I am addicted to old romance comics and the alternate reality they portray, as well as their heavy handed and often contradictory lessons. Remember girls, don't be too "fast," but don't be too shy. Be honest but know when to say nothing. Do excel at sports, but always let him win. Sharpen your mind, but never make him look ignorant. Don't be a Helpless Hannah, but don't be an Individual Inez either.

  3. Is it just me or does the teacher look like Bert Convey with straight hair?

  4. That's exactly how I won my husband, the math professor. I might sue...

  5. That doesn't add up (get it?). I'm pretty sure even a tenured prof at my university would get in trouble over that. For him to accept her in that day, he must have been laying every pretty girl that walked into his classroom.

  6. Paul DucaMay 08, 2012

    When I was in college 30 years ago, the only rule about student-faculty relationships was the one Tess and her teacher break...the student can not be enrolled in any class taught by the faculty member.

  7. Why are those two girls making bee sounds? WTF is B-Z-Z?

    1. Paul DucaMay 12, 2012

      It represents whispering...

  8. I dunno...to me, this looks like the story of a potentially bright young lady who's been sold restrictive gender stereotypes telling her that the only way for a female to have agency and self-determination is through sexual promiscuity, until a good teacher awakens her inner math nerd. Not having any prior referent for these feelings of intellectual accomplishment, she mistakes the passion for mathematics he's awakened in her for sexual interest in the teacher...until one day she learns better, moves on from him, and becomes a leader in computer science. I'm just saying.

  9. Virtual61May 09, 2012

    Are girls still like that today? Hmmm, however Mr. R. Bensam might just be right even though he's "just saying".

  10. "Barren College" sounds like the right college to prevent young ladies from getting pregnant.

  11. AnonymousMay 09, 2012

    What dear dad did: Facilitated, even payed for, his daughter's stated desire to go to State and major in bimbo with a minor in slut.
    What he should have done: Taken that dangling slipper off his foot and used it to give Tess a hard paddling (not an option if she really does like to be tied and spanked) and sent her packing to old B.C.
    What gorgeous corn-fed hunk of man did: Got Tess off to a bad start on the first day of freshman orientation week.
    What he should have done: Taken a cold shower and phoned Mary-Lou back home.
    Mean girls: Rumormongored and lied about Tess's extra-curricular activities.
    What they should have done: Peer counseling and intervention session.
    Other guy: Took advantage of the situation.
    What other guy should have done: Take advantage of the situation (Tess is not short for Mother Teresa evidently).
    Math Professor: Brought out her inner nerd and then married the girl.
    What he should have and maybe did do: Calculated what you achieve by marrying a rich heiress as opposed to continuing to live on your college asst. prof. pay-check.