Teen Magazines #3: Teen Talk (March 1985)

His name is Ralph Macchio, not Maccio.  But I'll overlook the misspelling when the pop culture nostalgia is this good.  This mag really hits me in my wheelhouse, delivering the year of 1985 as I knew it perfectly condensed into one magazine.  I saw Purple Rain in the theaters and listened to the record endlessly; I played Huey Lewis on my new boombox, and Duran Duran were freaking everywhere.

One musician that wasn't freaking everywhere.... in fact, he was freaking nowhere was Marlon Jackson.  It's kind of sad to read all his grand future plans knowing that Marlon will succeed in none of them.

Favorite quote: "I cut myself and musical notes jump out."

How hilarious is this? The beloved star of Breaking Bad (and let's not forget Malcolm in the Middle) is a teen magazine heart throb.  This made my day.

Perhaps you caught that episode of Community where the question is seriously asked - Who was the boss? Was it Angela or Tony? A very academic, mathematical solution is put forth by Abed who comes to the conclusion that Angela is indeed the boss.  Do you agree?

There's a path you take and a path untaken. The choice is up to you, my friend.

Take note of the guy on the far left.  You are looking at an extinct species. No one looks like this anymore - indeed, their type died out with the advent of music videos.  There was a similar lookin' fella in The Little River Band - in fact, most bands of that era had a member or two that had no business getting in front of a camera. Christopher Cross is their official spokesman.

It's interesting for me to read the press on upcoming films that would go on to be legendary.  Mock me if you will, but The Breakfast Club is one of the greatest films ever made.  It's funny, well acted, engaging, and more than anything it resonated with a generation.
Dear Mr. Vernon: 
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But, we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we found out is that each one of us is: a brain . . .and an athlete . . .and a basket case . . .a princess . . .and a criminal.
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, 
The Breakfast Club

Unlike The Breakfast Club, Porky's Revenge was a pathetic mess.  If you'll recall, I'm a strong advocate of Porky's.  I think it gets a bad rap being lumped in with all those mindless imitators (Screwballs, H.O.T.S., Joysticks, Hardbodies,.... the list goes on).    The franchise completely dropped the ball with the sequel, much in the same way Caddyshack fell apart at the seams in part two.

If I recall, they actually tried to develop a serious relationship between Pee Wee and the foreign exchange student, Inga.  It wouldn't be until American Pie that the teen sex-com would be resurrected.



  1. I'm with you on The Breakfast Club. I wondered why it wasn't in the AFI top 100 films, but then I realized that list was made by Boomers and older. I made the statement to a bunch of academic film scholars that eventually, The Graduate would fall and The Breakfast Club would rise due to the generational change, but they didn't believe me. I believe my prediction is coming true. The Graduate fell 10 places in just 10 years when the AFI did the list a second time, and John Hughes movies are getting taken more seriously.

  2. AnonymousJuly 31, 2012

    I totally agree with your comment about Survivor. If you watch their video for "Eye of the Tiger", the band members are introduced one by one in a dramatic fashion. Watching it is like "badass! badass! badass! sysadmin!"

  3. AnonymousJuly 31, 2012

    Short shorts for men were still going strong in 1985, as seen here. It is sociologically interesting that we thought nothing of it back then, but people are horrified at the very thought of it now.

    1. Proper-length shorts need to come back. Anything near the knee looks fucking stupid.

    2. AnonymousJuly 06, 2015


  4. I love the breakfast club!THanks for this post. It really brings back the era. I still love to listen to Survivor. I show some of this retro stuff to my students and they can't believe people really dressed like this

  5. Reminds me of a 16 Magazine retrospective softcover I got a few days ago. John Saxon was on one of the old covers! Bit of a surprise there.

  6. I was a teenager working my first job at the local cineplex when "Porky's" came out, and to this day I can't understand how such a lame, tasteless movie was such a hit. And I'm sorry, but "The Breakfast Club", good as it is, will NEVER be in the same league as "The Graduate".

  7. The "Survivor" singer is still doing the the commercials, "Real Men of Genius" Bud Lite jingles.