Teen Magazine #5

I'm old enough to remember Duran Duran before they became teen heartthrobs.  I recall the risque "Girls on Film" video and their songs being a bit avant-garde, not exactly stuff for middle-school girls to lap up.  If you listen to "The Chauffer" from even the Rio album, you get an idea.

Next thing you know, they're sharing a teen magazine cover with Menudo.

Not that Duran Duran was ever Hawkwind or King Crimson - I shouldn't be a total surprise they'd end up sharing photographs with Rockwell - one of the most talentless figures to ever grace the top ten.  This page is at least redeemed by a pic of Drew Barrymore and Mr. T.   (And subsequently taken down a notch by a shirtless Michael J. Fox).

Funny to see Charlie Sheen listed as an up-and-comer among all these future nobodies. "I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go..... I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

I just thought I'd include this because I thought this was a really nice picture of Ricky (er, um, I mean 'Rick') Schroeder. I loved Silver Spoons - he had arcade games in his living room and Jason Bateman used to crack me up as the Eddie Haskell character; and he's still funny as hell.  His deadpan delivery is magic..... as in, Bateman could only have derived such comedic powers from the Dark Arts.

Jo from The Facts of Life dishes out some bland advice.  These celeb advice columns are highly suspect - I sincerely doubt these actors and actresses took time to write these ridiculous pieces.  But then, who knows? And an even bigger question - who cares?

Ugh.  What a low point in television: Glitter, Cover-Up, Paper Dolls, Streethawk and Who's the Boss.  Garbage every one.

I can't help it.  I find this fascinating.  Glenn Scarpelli (a regular on One Day at a Time and tons of Love Boat type appearances back in the day) is the son of Henry Scarpelli, a comic book artist.

Let's shift over to another teen magazine, TS (Teen Stars) poster magazine from Fall 1985.  There's a few pages from this one that I'd like to share...

Notice anything slightly amiss here?  Perhaps the name in big bold letters in the center of the page could have been reviewed before hitting the presses?

This seems out of place in a teen magazine.  Perhaps it should have found its home in People or Cosmo instead.  Guttenberg has an autobiography out I saw on the shelves the other day.  I almost bought it out of morbid curiosity - what an odd celeb to have an autobiography featured prominently at the bookstore. It's like seeing the memoirs of Anson Williams or Larry Wilcox on the best seller list.

This seemed like as a good a one as any to end on.  Ahhh. The eighties.


  1. Loved the picture of Simon and Nick from Duran Duran. They are my favorite band - for real, not ironically. I hate that I have to qualify that, but , you know, hipsters. Never heard of Rockwell, but I was curious, so I just listened to his single, Somebody's Watching Me. Reminded me of Oingo Boingo, but also sounds strangely modern. Maybe he should stage a comeback?

    1. Rockwell's 'career' was made by having Michael Jackson sing back-up on his one song. Even as a kid way back when, the only part of that song with ear-worm staying power was Michael Jackson's refrain.

      He got a little more juice out of having his video for 'Somebody' mocked on 'FTV,' a syndicated show performed by veteran Groundlings and a lesser ex-Eagle that specifically satirized music videos. AND NOTHING ELSE.

  2. Duran Duran tend to get reduced to being just "a boy band" they days, which is very unfair, as they weren't a manufactured group performing dance routines, but a band that formed organically with members who wrote their own songs and played their own instruments. Have you seen their earliest video album 'Duran Duran'? The video for 'The Chauffeur' is both avante-garde and risque, and the band don't even appear in it. If you haven't seen it, and you're interested, it's here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B__8N5d_LA

  3. I think my wife got Street Hawk from Netflix recently, she kinda remembered it from then. She watched one show, laughed, and sent the disk back.

    I'm a bit confused by your paragraph on Schroeder. Who was funny? Justine? Did you mean Jason? Or Ricky? I never saw the show so I have no frame of reference.

  4. Duran Duran were pretty badass compared to the wussy boy bands of today. And who knew the geek from Sixteen Candles & The Breakfast Club would turn into a hunk?

  5. Had no idea about that Glen Scarpelli ARCHIE comics connection...These days, ARCHIE features tons of real-life celebs, and controversial story lines...

    This period of entertainment and music was the low point for me, in college at this time, and paying NO attention to teen or celeb mags....So odd to see it now...Seems even blander, if possible...

    Al Bigley