Pulp Pages #2

If I had to pick a desert island post from Retrospace, it might easily be the 100+ Pages of Pulp post I did at the close of 2011.  I could honestly stare at those images for hours and not lose interest.  It's not the most popular post on Retrospace, but with over a hundred pages of pulp mayhem, it just exudes awesomeness in every conceivable direction.  Lusty wenches, psychotic commies, curvaceous sex slaves, perverted Nazis, satanic cannibals, buxom prison wardens, rabid grizzlies, rogue witch doctors, nympho pirates...... yes, YES, YES, YES!

Of course, men's magazines didn't hold a monopoly on trashy stories.  Romance magazines and detective rags could be equally lurid.  Where the men's action mags were the pinnacle in terms of art and exploitation, those other rags were no slouch.  However, they often leaned toward photography versus illustration.  Still, they are no less sensational.

So enjoy another round of pulp from a variety of romance and crime magaines; some may be repeats (but not intentional).  And no need to thank me.  Your generous donations in the tip jar are reward enough.

My autobiography

He wanted his ugly wife back.  I reminded of a certain song by The Coasters.

Wait, is that an insult or a compliment?

C'mon.  Give a guy a second chance.

And we wonder how STD's spread so quickly. 

Quick.  Give her the Ritalin and turn on Spongebob!

Funny, I didn't see this coupon in the paper.

Wait.  This Slave of Satan appears to be stalking by day.  Shouldn't he be resting?

Here's a tip: Stop watching your parents' lovemaking

Any guesses on what's in the sex diary? My money's on her parent's lovemaking.    

What's the worst that could happen?  Oh, yeah.  You're entire marriage disintegrates into a shattered hull of guilt and dissatisfaction.

Give me a "trailer camp" wife any day over a "gated community" wife

Citizens of Camden, NJ and Flint, MI are shaking their heads and smiling.  Dallas doesn't know the meaning of a crime wave.

And citizens of Jaurez City are shaking their heads and smiling at Camden and Flint.

Those bastards!  I promise, baby, I'm interested in you for your mind.

Yet, by the illustration, you would appear to be the Knight.  Are you sure you know how to play chess?

Okay, I'm lost.  Who gets the fangs? It says the fiend has the fangs, but they're for a girl.  Does that mean the fiend and the girl have the fangs now? The picture makes it look like the girl has the fangs - or is she the fiend?  I give up.

Evidently it involves an electric toothbrush and some other rigging.  This fella is a regular McGyver of the boudoir.

So, before I guess they were rated PG in bed? Were they not familiar with where to put things? 

Man, my high school never had any sex riots.  How disappointing.

On the one hand it's a Docker's advertisement, and the other it's a Flesh Trap.  Can we infer that Dockers are flesh traps?  Wow, that's deep.

Pete Campbell? 

But you need even MORE money to get married.  I think "elope" is the wise choice.

What'd he do that was so alarming? Was it the "Cincinnati Bow Tie" or the "Dirty Sanchez"?  Perhaps it was the "Cleveland Steamer" or the "Clown Face"?  So many things went down that night, you need to be specific. 

Ummm.  Yeah, I don't think she's sixteen.  Nor is she twenty-one.  I'd say she's pushing thirty.

.... because you would want to marry the type of guy that would take advantage of you.  Makes sense.

Sorry.  That's what happens when you're late on your credit card payment.  Next, they'll be garnishing your wages.

What no photographs of their smiley-faced water towers?

Written by a famed sexologist..... if they'd of had Google back then, they'd have known he was not famed, if he even existed.

My advice:  Turn the World of Warcraft off; let him re-acclimate to the real world for about a month, then give it another try.

Yeesh.  Can't really provide a snarky comment for this one.  Moving right along...

Ah, yes.  Another A Frame candidate.

It's the gift that keeps on giving.

You're having sex with Dick Cheney?  We'll need pictures.


  1. If you're trying to get a guy to marry you, VD might not be the two-letter acronym that seals the deal.

  2. The fanged fiend killed the girl, which transferred the fiendishness—along with its fangs—to the girl. Maybe a better title would be "Fiend Flips Fangs to Filly".

    1. But was the fiend defanged? If so, that was pretty generous; a fangless fiend isn't much of a fiend.

  3. The fiend was a vampire - hence the fangs - so the filly became fanged and the fiend stayed fanged. Simple.

  4. Did you happen to see my scans of Real Detective? http://www.retrohound.com/vintage-scans-real-detective-magazine-1950/ Not nearly as smutty as these, but pretty comical.

  5. If the song about the ugly wife you are thinking of is "If You Wanna Be Happy", that was by Jimmy Soul.