Retro Film Report #25

Schizo (1976) holds a very special place in my heart.  It was one of the first movies I ever rented on VHS.  The whole experience of watching a videocassette was so novel and exciting, it made this otherwise lackluster slasher flick seem like the greatest movie ever filmed.

Upon reviewing it about thirty years later, I found it didn't have near the charm as it did back around '83.  Rather plodding in parts, and the so-called mystery is laughably predictable. Yet, this will always be a special film simply because of it being among the first of many, many video rentals.

One a side note: I'd love to watch a few other films I rented at about the same time, but have been unable to find them.  They never got a DVD release and thus have vanished off the face of the earth. I barely remember Lady, Stay Dead (1981) and The Curse of the Alpha Stone (1972) but I'd give anything to watch them again.

The movie stars Lynne Frederick who was married to Peter Sellers and David Frost.  She died from substance abuse at the age of 39.  Schizo provides a very brief look at Frederick's "assets" but nothing to write home about.  The grocery store scene was more interesting - I enjoyed looking at what was on the shelves in '76.

An interesting TV set makes an appearance.  She literally folds down a barn door style panel, revealing the screen.  Schizo is worth a watch, if for no other reason than to catch a glimpse of this beauty.

The Comeback (1978)

This could easily have been a Movie of the Week were it not for a few shots of gore... which is not necessarily a bad thing.  To our 2013 mindset it's almost incomprehensible that a film this "blah", this devoid of effects, this devoid of action, could ever make it to the theater.  Back when you didn't need to take out a second mortgage to go see a movie, theaters often played low key, low budget fare.

That being said, the only reason to watch this film is for who's in it.  First and foremost is Jack Jones - the voice behind 'Wives and Lovers', 'The Impossible Dream', 'Lollipops and Roses,' and 'The Love Boat Theme' (and almost a Charles Manson victim had he been home that night).  Jones can't act at all, but who cares. It's Jack Jones for chrissakes.

Then there's Bosley from Charlie's Angels.  You've got to love a movie that stars Bosley, right?

And lastly, Jone's lady, Pamela Stephenson.  She never comes close to getting naked, but it's Pamela Stephenson - from Not the Nine O'clock News and even was a cast member on SNL. She's married to Billy Connolly and actually has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and has a private practice in Beverly Hills.  Interesting lady.

Orloff Against the Invisible Man (1970)

Negligible plot, but heavy on that Gothic vibe.  Orloff Against the Invisible Man is your standard Euro-sleaze with lots of dilapidated castles, eerie tapestries, and frilly clothing.  The scares are almost laughable; indeed, the "invisible man" is actually an "invisible gorilla".  Don't ask.

On a positive note, the last quarter of the film is wall to wall gratuitous nudity.  On a negative note, a lot of that nudity involves the invisible gorilla raping women.

Au Pair Girls (1972)

Picture Love American Style if it had been made for HBO, and that's Au Pair Girls.  It's a combination of thinly related "plots", each more irrelevant than the next.  The sole purpose of this film is T&A, and in that regard it succeeds one hundred percent.

Every single scene serves a T&A driven purpose.Indeed every word, every action is painfully calculated to get these girls to display their assets, and Au Pair Girls does it with flair.  Far from being a your typical dirty, seedy, gritty sexploitation flick - this is more akin to Benny Hill or the Carry On films.

If you're a fan of the miniskirt, you will not be disappointed.  If I were to compile a list of the top ten films for miniskirt watching (which isn't a bad idea), this film certainly belongs on it.

And I should mention that all the girls are stone cold foxes. Plus, there's a heaping helping of nudity.  So, don't watch it with your kids expecting Benny Hill - this is definitely rated R.

Yep. Not much to complain about here.  That's Gabrielle Drake of UFO fame, by the way.  As if you needed another reason to watch it.


  1. I'm going to check out this movie. BTW I thought the woman in the second screenshot was Parker Posey for a second!

  2. That last shot reminds me of "Nice Beaver!" "Thanks, I just had it stuffed last week."

  3. Uh, that photo is of Peter Davison's former wife, Sandra Dickinson; he was the fifth Doctor Who. She appeared as Trillian in THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY series on BBC radio and on BBC TV, and he was in one segment where he played the main course -- I asked him about it at a convention, and he laughed and said he was surprised anyone recognized him. He's a nice person.

    1. Thanks for the correction, Bud. I'll remove it.

  4. Yea, broke up with a boyfriend who asked, out loud, why I could not be more like Gabrielle Drake. At first I was flattered thinking he was talking about her on UFO. In reality he meany Au Pair Girls.

    THAT is when I dumped the bum.

  5. Gabriel Drake. The movie should be called "Ah, What a Pair, Girl".