Comic Books #61: Bad Comics

Is there anything funner than poking fun at old comic book covers?..... Yeah, actually, there's a lot of things funner.  Still, it's a great way to pass some time - especially if you're on the clock at work. Enjoy!

Looks like Superboy and Lana need to lay off the carbs.  The shame of it all.  Her fat ass hanging out of the door like that - probably breaking wind uncontrollably.... the horror! This is a plot that isn't dealt with near enough in comics.  I want to see Ghost Rider and Deadpool obesity stories.

YEEOUCH! I rarely even wince at violence in movies or comics, but this one has me grimacing in pain.  A point blank, direct hit to the nads with a freeze ray - a devastating case of blue balls for poor Nemesis.  To add insult to injury, the villain sent his freeze ray as a heart shaped message to Nemesis' gonads.

Long enough to do what, Bob? Have sex with this entire underwater flotilla? The yellow snapper at bottom is getting the f**k out of Dodge

"The world's most attractive bachelor.... millions of girls idolize him." This should put to rest any doubt that superheroes are male fantasies pure and simple.  And what kind of superheroine is Cat Girl that she misses with a big flask from just a few feet away?

Worst. Costume. Ever.  I understand it's supposed to look homemade, but c'mon. White booties?

I'm sorry but this cross-eyed panther just isn't scaring me.  Let me finish his sentence: "You're not a panther, you're a..... heh, heh,....ha, ha, ha,... a cross-eyed Gabor sister with a crew cut!"  This fella needs to just paddle away on his gondola before he's suckered into buying another necklace.

Ahem (clearing throat).  Methinks where the human portion of this centaur ends and the horse begins is looking a little.... er, wrong.  Perhaps the two halves could've been blended a bit more, if you get my drift.  

Brought to you by the Savings & Loan Association.... so, I'm guessing this comic not only helps you manage your money, but also rationalize corruption and fraud.  For a look inside go here.

Um, is this really appropriate? Generally speaking, if a student offers to rub suntan oil on a principal's back, the principal probably would be wise to decline the offer.  Just sayin'. 

Martin and Lewis comics were worse than the movies because Jerry appeared even more retarded (if that's possible).  This cover is a nice metaphor for the comic duo - Dino with the babes, and Jerry alone with his..... with his.... never mind.

Words fail me.  On to the next comic...

The man just wants Supes' shirt to put in his little hall of fame.... is this a problem?  Is this how Superman reacts to his fans?  Not only is this the dumbest idea for a comic book ever created, it further underlines the fact that Superman is a dick.

"I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin' bushwackin', hornswagglin' cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter."

What's with the pink muzzles? I checked other copies on the interwebs, and it's not just a printing error or graffiti specific to this copy.  Did they just drink a glass of Strawberry Quick?   Do they both have colds?  It's awfully chilly in the Arctic Circle, so it makes sense.... I guess.

Armchair psychologists should have a field day with this one.  A woman sees that her lover has fallen for another woman.  In her eyes, he's not the man he used to be - he's alien to her.  Meanwhile, Mermaid Man's young ward, Barnacle Boy, watches helplessly.

Wait - what? They had a comic book based on the Stanley Kubrick film?  I can see a graphic novel adaptation maybe, but a continuing series illustrated by Jack Kirby?  This is insane.

Ummm, Dagwood?  I think you've got some explaining to do.  It's my sincere hope that he can get some help with his problem - this is just getting embarrassing. 

Dude, you are whispering really loudly!  They totally hear you.

I don't think this is a bad cover.  I just wanted to point out that Dagar has really, really nice hair.

Well, this is awkward.  Let's parade all of Flash's failures and provide close ups of his reactions.


  1. I wonder if the 'S-Shirt Bandit' has Jughead's turtleneck.

  2. A Bob Hope comic book...the mind boggles.

    1. At least we can recognize this drawing as being Bob hope. The last drawing of Hope in Retrospace looked like a DNA mix up between William Holden and Jack Parr.

    2. There were also Lennon Sisters, Rick Nelson, Jerry Lewis and Pat Boone comic series. FYI

    3. I have a few of the Jerry Lewis comics and they're great. In some of them he was the typical retard character that called everyone "kid" every other sentence. It must've been the later ones that weren't annoying, like when he had a nephew named Renphrew.

  3. What makes the Planet of the Apes cover even funnier is that Nova is a mute.

    1. HA! That's right! I didn't even think about that. How unbelievably awful.

    2. Actually, she wasn't mute. She *did* grunt out a "Tay-lor!" at one point. I can very clearly see the image in my mind of her cleavage as she did so.

  4. One misplaced swish of that dragon's tail and it will be more than Dagar's sword that get's yanked out.
    Great post, it's not often that you get to see Fat Superboy, Fat Lana Lang and Fat Flash all on the same page.
    P.S. Not to nitpick with D.C. Comics but technically Aquaman couldn't be changed into an alien but instead he was being changed into a green headed Earthling.

    1. True that. Short Shorts probably weren't the best choice for dragon-fighting apparel. I'd recommend chainmail slacks versus furry Daisy Dukes.

  5. That Dagar Comic is exactly like the one that was in between the good ones - (they came in 3 on the racks) sometimes you could look and see through the plastic- sometime you were stuck with crap like this!

  6. Great stuff. I really like the quality of the Brain Boy artwork.

  7. So Boy Comics(Crime Buster???) is wearing ballerina slippers in addition to booty shorts, a letter man sweater and a pair of tights. Looks like it was laundry day when he was putting his costume together and he had to raid his little sister's wardrobe.

  8. Funny, Marvel did comic adaptations of blockbuster movies. Now, today blockbuster movies are adaptations of Marvel comics...The more things change...

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  10. My brothers and I did a lot that just gawk at bad comics in our youth. We took a pen to the comic book and modify the art and dialog for our own amusement.

    Not just the obvious vandalism, like drawing crossed eyes on the masks worn by Batman and Robin. We would actually tamper with plot and dialog.

    Little did we realize that our antics would presage the modern-day make-overs of old, unloved comics --- Marvel Romance Redux
    Jeanne Martinet's Truer Than True Romance
    Boom Studio's What Were They Thinking?

    And John Lustig's jovial take on Charlton Romance ---

    I tried similiar shenanigans in a 2009 blog---
    But moved on to other projects that might actually furnish disposable income.

  11. I liked this, I really did, but no collection of bad comics is complete without Super Green Beret.

  12. I collected and read those Jack Kirby 2001: A Space Odyssey comics as a kid, and they were indeed insane.