Album Covers #42: Vinyl Vixens

Will the well ever run dry? It seems I could post LP cover cheesecake for the next hundred years and only scratch the surface.  Record buyers were evidently a randy lot, easily swayed by a bit of female skin.  Where The Beatles or Elton John could afford to get creative with their cover art, a huge segment of the music world opted for Plan B (and B stands for Boobs).

This randiness was by no means an American original. Au contraire.  Spanish language discs were the biggest offenders.  Indeed, there is a mountain of as yet untapped gold in 'foreign' vinyl eye candy.  No doubt, it will allow posts like this to continue for many years to come.

This is what you call album art on a shoestring.  Could they perhaps have chosen an angle that didn't feature the view between her legs?

Is this Evelyn Kraft from The Mighty Peking Man? I did a review this film back in 2010.

Greatest album cover of all time? Quite possibly.  Stand in awe before the awesomeness of Zorro.  Not only do they have a gal in a wet t-shirt on the cover, but Zorro graces us with their badass mugs.

The shirts, the shades, the mustache.... there is so much to love here that I don't know where to begin.  All I can say is that this album cover has restored my faith in humanity.

Pastor Lopez, the Venezuelan King of Cumbia.  The title roughly translates to "the beautiful are not faithful", combined with the fact that his stage name is "pastor", it made me think this was a religious LP.  Wrong.

Now, how in the hell does this relate to "Italian" hits?  These are whitebread chicks at a martini bar.... am I missing something?

"Mood in Golden Hit Numbers".... wha-?

Is that Rush drummer Neil Peart on a poster?  Surely not. (But the album title is after all 'Drum Drum Drum')

Lonely? With those?  I'm not buying it.  My suspension of disbelief will only stretch so far.

Another shining example of the Three Chick Disc.

Rock stars step aside, Jimmy Durante imitator comin' through.

The last track on Side A is "Move Your Ass Gringo"....  If that gives you a clue to what we're dealing with here.

Get it? Instead of 'Glass Menagerie' it's 'Brass Menagerie'.  Classic Enoch.  Always with the puns.

Barbara knows exactly what it takes to sell records.  Before music videos, all the sex had to pumped up on the album cover itself.  And pump it up she did....

Yikes!  Barb is essentially spreading her legs, beseeching you to buy her album.

Note: Barbara Law is formerly Barbara Dixon of the Irish trio Maxi, Dick and Twink.  Dixon was 'Dick'..... which takes a whole new meaning in light of this back cover.

Dom seems blissfully unaware that there is a breast not three inches from his head.

It's just a little old place where we can get together. Folks linin' up outside just to get down.

"Your cow is in my garden."
"I don't have a cow"
"Well, I don't have a garden."

"Port Said" sounds like it could be the wind up to an Abbot & Costello routine.
"Where'd you like to go for dinner?"
"Port Said"'
"Port said what?"...etc., etc.

I know it's pronounced differently, but so be it. Move on and enjoy a few more cheesecake covers.

The perfect LP to end with.  A man who respects the mini skirt like a true Retrospacer.  Viva Manolin!


  1. The Lenny Dee cover sure looks like Elizabeth Ashley on it.

    1. My first thought as well - did a quick search - it apparently is. Scott

    2. How about that. Pretty damn interesting - thanks!

  2. Oh the memories of when I wore my Zorro concert T to high school almost every day.

    I re-imagined (badly photoshopped) the Zorro boys...


  3. Thanks for the shareage.

  4. OUTSTANDING - This is your best post -

    will be linking/using this in my magazine - thanks

  5. The Dom Frontiere is Dominic Frontiere, who later went on to make TV and movie themes. He also was married to the late Rams owner Georgia Frontiere in the 1980s. They divorced after he went to jail for scalping tickets to Super Bowl XIV, tickets Georgia gave him.

  6. Aside from all of the above, Frontiere is also known as the seventh husband of St. Louis (nee Los Angeles) Rams owner Georgia Frontiere (who has a second exotica credit of being the daughter of legendary singer-dancer-accordionist-radio hostess-recording artist-lunar explorer Lucia Pamela). Frontiere helped then-Georgia Rosenbloom, then-wife of Rams owner Carroll Rosenbloom (husband number 6) as an accompanist--first on the piano, then elsewhere. The two married in July 1980, but the romance faded after Dominic got in trouble for alleged ticket scalping at the 1980 Super Bowl. He served nine months in federal prison after pleading guilty to filing a false income tax return, and Georgia divorced him in 1988, moving on to another musician, Earle Weatherwax. Dominic moved to New Mexico and largely dropped out of sight after that.


    Frontiere also did some of the creepy score for The Outer Limits.

  7. Is Zorro a band made of a mother, father, and son?

    And I have to admit with the pose, the hair, the sideburns - that the second woman on the Blackwell album looks like she's turning into a werewolf.

  8. One that I'm surprised isn't on there: "Whipped Cream and Other Delights" by Herb Alpert. If you haven't seen it, google it, it was a decent seller back in the day.

    1. Oh yes, well aware of this, the Grand Poobah of all vinyl cheesecake. I don't think I've ever visited a flea market that didn't have at least ten copies of this album in bins.

  9. That sure looks Italian to me. The Martini sign is the logo for Martini brand vermouth from Italy.

    And yeah, that's Neil Peart.

  10. Nice collection. One or two of those I might actually want to listen to (the top one looks interesting, and not just for the cover!)

    I once heard it said that "the racier the cover, the blander the music" was a fairly good record collecting rule of thumb. Now I'm just looking for the holy grail for my collection - plan B plus 1970s Moogs :)

  11. I think the Jimmy Takeuchi album predates Neil Peart's fame a bit (plus Neil didn't look like that until the late 70s) - looks more like John Bonham from Led Zeppelin to me.

  12. Entertaining post, and not just the photos, but your comments as well.

  13. I want the Barbara Law album. I want it now. I must have it. Right now....

  14. 'Port Said: Music of the Middle East'...the cover model is Nejla Ates. Known as the 'Turkish Delight', this bellydancer showed up in a number of films, and best remembered for her role in 'Son of Sinbad'. Her pose for Port Said was not one of her most flattering. At 4' 11", with long black hair and her cat-like eyes, she was actually quite attractive. She died in Istanbul in 2005 at the age of 73.

  15. Good stuff! I posted that Billy Vaughn album on my blog if anyone would like to see a bit more of it.


  16. A search on "lonely" Lois Ann Struck turns up former tennis umpire Lois Ann Goodman who in 2012 was accused of killing her husband of 50 years by bludgeoning him with a coffee cup...