Vintage Scan #30: Parade (Feb 22, 1970)

I have a stack of Parade newspaper inserts that have just been begging to be scanned.  Now that I have a scanner wide enough, it's officially 'go time'.  And what better way to start than with the Dino edition?

A truly amazing advertisement, back before things got gender neutral.  She's halfway to a hair dryer and a blender!
I didn't say anything when he started smoking Old Gold Filters. I just listened when he said he liked the flavor. I even agreed with him that flavor is really what smoking's all about. And when he offered me the coupon, I just took it and said thank you. Now I have a new blender and I'm halfway to a hair dryer. Who am I to tell him about the fishing tackle or the other men's gifts in the Gift Star catalog?

The best parts of these old periodicals are the ads.  Not to worry though - I did scan some content:

In which we learn that Elke Sommer was an au pair girl, and that au pair girls are coming to England to get free abortions:
It's the traditional European arrangement whereby a girl from one country learns the language of another by working in a foreign household. In return for some light housework and baby-sitting, the au pair girl is given a small salary plus free board and lodging. She stays from two months to a year with her foreign family, or even longer, depending upon the arrangement made. Elke Sommer, the film star, was once a German au pair girl working for a London family...
Au pair girls looking for jobs in Great Britain through private employment agencies may soon have to take tests to prove that they are not pregnant. One leading London employment agency says too many girls are coming to England from the Continent to get free abortions on Britain's National Health Service. Pregnancy tests are not required by Tourisme Scolaire, which is run by Madame Simone Dutilloy, its founder. 

A home theater system for under $8.00?  What a steal!

Hot chicks and cigars.  The American Dream on a single page.

It's like caressing a leopard!
You're a jungle goddess—a millionaire's wife—the talk of your next party in your fantastic leopard hostess gown! It's an exotic housecoat or duster, and so warm and cuddly. This is the spectacular fake-fur you've seen in the fashion magazines, the best shops, and it's yours at a low price you won't believe. So soft, so sleek, it's like caressing a leopard, and no one can say for sure it's not real!

"I could see these people were big men specialists."

Screw "boring" exercise!  The Trim Wheel can do the trick in just 90 seconds.
Why waste valuable time on tiring, boring push-ups. sit-ups, or jogging — when this health-building little wonder quickly lets you trim inches off your waistline in just a few pleasant, relaxing seconds of easy effort every day! Trim Wheel works like concentrated yoga— helps you stretch and breathe scientifically to relax fatigue-causing tensions ... as it stimulates healthful oxygen-rich blood flow. In just 90 seconds of daily Trim Wheeling, you can do more to build up your own natural muscle girdle and lower hack than spending 20 times as long on tiring, boring jogging and other strenuous exercises!

Let's pause for a moment while Mr. Korman tells us some jokes...

Damn, these are some awful jokes, Harvey.
A movie script was submitted to a producer. The producer took one look at the title and gave it back to the author with a sarcastic look. "But you didn't even read it," said the writer. The producer condescendingly re¬plied, "It's called The Optimist—you know what it means and I know what it means, but how many of those jerks standing in front of the theater are going to know it's an eye doctor?"

And, finally, the Dino cover story...

Gail Renshaw, the 22-year-old lovely from Falls Church, Va., who plans later this year to become the third Mrs. Dean Martin, has given a needed shot in the arm to the lagging beauty-contest business.

In the old days, contestants were told that if they won first prize they would be awarded long-term Hollywood con¬tracts and possible screen stardom.

Hollywood, in the throes of a deep depression, is no longer signing anyone, no matter what her vital measurements, so in many cases the most a beauty-contest winner can hope for is a job as a Playboy Club Bunny, serving food and drinks.

"Now," says Alfred Patricelli, executive director of the Miss World-U.S.A. Beauty Pageant, "Gail Renshaw comes along and proves that beauty can move mountains, that the days of the rich stage-door Johnnies are not over, that there are still a few millionaires who'll go the whole route—I mean even trade in their old wives for a new, well-stacked model."

Gail Renshaw (39-25-37) owes her luck in meeting Dean Martin to Bob Hope. It was the veteran comic who crowned her Miss World-U.S.A. in Baltimore a few months ago. With his well-trained eye for female pulchritude, Hope generally makes it part of his schedule to choose beauty-contest winners for his annual overseas Gl tour. Two years ago he chose a long-haired blonde named Leigh Avery, who became his fast friend. Last year, he zeroed in on Gail Renshaw and offered her a small part in one of his TV specials, Roberta, much of which was-filmed in Dallas.

Subsequently sponsored by Frostie Root Beer as its "ambassadress of good will," Gail Renshaw arrived in Las Vegas with Al Patricelli of Bridgeport, Conn. There, Patricelli phoned Tony Zappi, press agent for the Hotel Riviera, introduced himself and said, "I'm in town with Gail Renshaw. She's a beautiful* doll who's going to London to represent the United States in the Miss World contest. Bob Hope told me to call you. Maybe you can line up a little publicity with Gail and Dean Martin. I understand Dean's your headliner, and we sure could use the publicity."

A Publicity Shot

Zappi escorted Miss Renshaw backstage and introduced her to Dean Martin. Graciously, Dean agreed to pose with her in a gag photo as Mr. Wonderful. "The least you can do now," he said to Gail after the photographer left, "is to have dinner with me."

Gail agreed. Over dinner, love blossomed. In his relaxed, underplayed style, Dean can move in fast when he wants to. Subsequently, Gail phoned her mother, Mrs. Edna Renshaw," in Alexandria, Va. "Mother," she said, "You won't believe this, but I'm in love."

You couldn't be," Mrs. Renshaw protested.
"But I am."
"With whom?"
"With Dean Martin."

Says Mrs. Renshaw: "For a moment I thought Gail was fooling. I knew Dean Martin was married. I'd seen him on television asking the listeners to keep sending mail to him and his wife Jeannie. But Gail insisted it was serious, he'd promised to marry her. Later, when she came home, and Mr. Martin began calling her every day, I knew Gail was right. I've spoken to Mr. Martin on the phone many times now—he sounds just like he does on TV—and I'm sure he's going to make Gail a fine husband. Certainly, she deserves the best. She's always been a sweet child. Never caused us a minute's trouble."

Miss Everything

Gail, who used to work as a Kelly Girl in the Washington, D.C., area as a typist and bookkeeper, has been win-ning beauty contests since she was graduated from Washington - Lee High School in Arlington in 1965. She's been Miss Virginia, Miss Speedway on Chan-nel 5 in Washington, D.C., Miss Snow Queen at the Shoreham Hotel, Miss Good Grooming, and a lot of other titles.

This past November she almost won the Miss World title in London. But she came in second to Miss Austria, Eva Rueber-Staier, who got to go with Bob Hope to Vietnam. But Gail wasn't too disappointed. No American beauty has ever won the Miss World title, and she was satisfied with the runner-up spot, largely because Dean Martin kept assuring via transatlantic phone that she occupied the number-one position in his heart.

Dean gets ready

When Gail returned to Los Angeles, she found that Dean had already dis-cussed the possibility of divorce with his second wife, the former Jeanne Biegger, herself a onetime Orange Bowl beauty queen from Miami. She has been married to Dean for 20 years and they have three children.

In a most atypical demonstration of wifely charity and understanding, Jeanne Martin announced: "My husband informed me several weeks ago that he had met and fallen in love with someone. And he asked me for a divorce. I have assured him I will comply with his wishes. Proceedings will begin immediately."

It will probably cost Dean Martin between $15 and $20 million in financial settlements to obtain the divorce. But when it comes to Gail Renshaw, true love, and peace of mind, money means relatively little to Martin.

In 1949 when he was divorced from his first wife, Betty MacDonald, who bore him four children, he agreed with¬out batting an eyelash, to pay her $2400 a month for 18 years.

Martin, born Dino Crocetti in Steubenville, Ohio, on June 17,1917, knows firsthand that money does not necessarily assure happiness—marital or any other kind.

In retrospect he seems to have been happiest when as "Kid Crotchet" he fought as a welterweight boxer and then worked as a croupier in the rear of the Rex Cigar Store in Steubenville.

I remember many years ago discussing with him his start in show business, when he took the name Dino Martini and sang first with Ernie McKay's band and then with Sammy Watkin's band in Cleveland for $50 a week. It was in Cleveland that he married Betty Mac-Donald and found making a living and supporting his children so tough "I never had time to ask myself if I was happy. I just took it for granted that we were."

Jerry, success and split

It was only after 1946, when Dean teamed up with Jerry Lewis and success came their way, that Dean's first marriage began to founder. By 1949, it was hopeless, and a divorce finished it.

Later, Dean was awarded custody of their four children. He had three more by his second wife, broke away from Jerry Lewis in 1956, and over the ensuing years developed into a full-fledged TV, film, and recording star, a multi millionaire who owns a good piece, of the action at the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas.

Basically a shy, sensitive, insecure man who cultivates the simpler things of life—except for women—Martin has reached that point in his chronology where he feels time is running out on him. He will now do nothing that he doesn't want to do. For him, compromise and hypocrisy are expediencies of the past.

Singing Bing's tune

In planning to marry Gail Renshaw, 30 years his junior, he is following in the footsteps of his golf-playing idol, Bing Crosby. Both men are essentially lucky loners who feel they can beat nature and the age differential.

As for Gail Renshaw, she represents the pinnacle to which beauty-contest winners can aspire.

"She is," says promoter Patricelli, "the best thing that's happened to our business in years. With her as an example, we're already swamped with hundreds of entries for this year's contest.

"Girls realize that once they win a beauty contest, even on a local level, they get an opportunity to meet celebrities. Once a girl meets a celebrity, she can put her sex appeal to work. Some-times it pays off. With a little luck, she can latch on to a great husband."


  1. Man, those were the days, at least for men.

    1. It's a subject I've raised many times on Retrospace - were the women of the 1950s and 60s miserable and suffering? With the belittling came also a freedom from the rat race. It's a topic too big to get into here in the comments section, but nothing is ever black and white.

  2. Not the easiest font to stay with.

    1. Agreed. I've been playing around with the look of Retrospace as you maybe can tell. Back to normal font I'm glad to say.

  3. I really miss the old Parade magazine.
    The jokes, the cartoons, the articles.
    After the comics it was my favorite part of the Sunday paper.

    Thanks for he memories.

  4. So what scanner did you settle on? I've been looking for an affordable wide scanner. Getting tired of stitching those old magazine ads together.

  5. So what scanner did you settle on? I've been looking for an affordable wide scanner. Getting tired of stitching those old magazine ads together.