Vintage Scan #32: Parade (April 26 1970)

The Maureen Reagan cover story was actually rather lame, so I haven't reprinted it here.  However, there's still plenty to enjoy in this issue.

I'll also mention that I literally have boxes of not only Parade, but also National Lampoon and TV Guide. I finally have a new badass scanner to tackle these stacks of retro gold.  Be prepared for vintage scans aplenty in the upcoming weeks and months - and, as always, I appreciate your comments and feedback along the way.  Retrospace took a serious hit in my year long hiatus, then domain name change, but I'm happy to see a lot of the same folks returning, and the level of overall readership is steadily climbing.  Retrospace truly has returned - thank you for being here, and on with the scans!

 That's a lot of damn sugar!  I love how Kool-Aid is just bragging about how much sugar is in their mix, displaying a massive mound of it.

Of course, I'd take this over the high fructose corn syrup which lies at the heart of the obesity problem today.  But that's a topic for another day.

Cyclamate is a sugar substitute that became wildly popular in the 1960s and made DuPont and subsequently Abbott Laboratories a shit ton of money.  Then, at the close of the decade, a study came out showing that it caused bladder cancer in rats.  The FDA banned cyclamate completely, and other countries followed suit.

Today, Abbott Labs still claims that the study was erroneous, and that cyclamate is not actually harmful.  They've gone to court over it several times with no luck.  It's actually legal in a lot of other countries, but still on the "this will kill you" list in the States.

Tom Poston was funny as hell on Newhart... not so funny in Parade.
The late great comedian Fred Allen took an ad in Variety, the show business weekly, to tell how he had outwitted a movie studio. He had asked for $200 to play an Indian, but they only offered $100, so he played a half-breed.
(Insert sounds of crickets chirping)

In this article we learn that PSA gives its stewardesses not only the chance to get ogled by businessmen on planes, but also in hotels.
PSA, Pacific Southwest Airlines, an intrastate carrier which flies up and down California, is a sharp little airline. Like other and larger airlines, notably TWA and Pan Am, it's gone into the hotel business. But unlike other airlines, PSA offers its hostesses the opportunity to moonlight on their days off.
Those who want to pick up a few extra dollars work as models at the Islandia Hotel in San Diego, which is owned by PSA. There, each lunch-tune, the girls model the latest in fashions, get ogled by businessmen and get them to promise they'll fly PSA or come for lunch again. In either case, PSA stands to win.

In which we learn that the sun is bad for white people, causing them to look like "middle aged prunes":

Too much sun can be harmful to people with white and sensitive skins'. In some cases excessive sun exposure will cause skin cancer.  In others too much sun can cause "tired skins and premature wrinkles," especially in blue-eyed blondes.
Dr. Albert Klugman. a dermatologist who has re-searched the subject, claims that the American obsession with sunbathing may cause irreparable damage to the elastic tissues of the skin.
Young women who expose themselves to the sun too frequently in early life may end up as middle-aged prunes.
"The feeling and image of good health which sun¬light affords," Dr. Klugman declares, "has a delayed penalty for white people."

If you put your child in this "car seat" today, you'd be arrested, publicly scorned, and never see your child again.


  1. Couldn't they find an older, more confused looking guy to sit there and ogle the PSA stewardess? He looks like he's about to say, "nurse, where's my pudding?"

  2. HA! We had one of those Go Seats.