Vintage Scan #46: Star Hits 1984

For your reading pleasure, I have scanned the entire May 1984 issue of Star Hits magazine.  Come with me and stroll through its pages - or, if you like, DOWNLOAD the whole shebang.  Enjoy!

Duran Duran were actually a great 'new wave' band.  I mean, look at those lyrics - that's not the work of a boy band.  They're problem was they were just too good looking, and their hooks were just too catchy to be taken as the skilled songwriters they really were.  "New Moon on Monday" is a damn good song.

Don't remember the Belinda Carlisle/Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell movie Swing Shift at all - do you?

Today I learned: Before "99 Luftballons", Nena was a goldsmith.

I must say, I didn't expect the guy from ABC to have two Grandmaster Flash songs on his top ten list

I always thought "Miss Me Blind" was a stupid song, and now that I've seen the lyrics, I believe it's even stupider.

Who would have expected that ZZ Top would be huge in the 80s MTV universe.  They were oh-so-seventies; falling in line with bands like The Doobie Brothers, that popularity in the glammy 80s seems inconceivable.   Such is the power of aggressively catchy refrains and hot chicks in music videos.

Kajagoogoo and Iron Maiden living side by side in VHS harmony.

David Bowie was going to play Abe Lincoln... in a play with music by David Byrne... to be performed at the Los Angeles Olympics?.... What?

I enjoy Setzer's big band stuff, but his rockabilly days with the Stray Cats were amazing.  It was one of the first casettes I owned and I played it to death.  Wish he'd done more.

It's interesting to read record reviews when the music was still fresh.  Say what you will about 80s music, there was a healthy amount of variety within the realm of mainstream: note The Cramps review alongside The Go-Gos, The Cure and Wang Chung.

Dear God, Grace Slick - what the f**k?  How did you go from uber cool psychedelic chick, to awkward pop retard?  Oh, yeah... the seventies.  Lots and lots of bad choices in that decade.

"In a big country, dreams stay with you / Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside / Stay alive…"  still just as good as in '84.  Cha!

To say KISS lost their mojo when they ditched the makeup would be the understatement of the year.  Worse still, Ace and Peter are gone.. so what was left by 1984 was nothing even resembling their Destroyer days of my youth.  I even liked their Elder and Unmasked LPs.... Lick It Up marked the end for me.

Oh, snap.  Hair Metal on the horizon.  Smell the Aqua-Net coming, heavy metal is about to get punched in the balls.

Really sad what became of Quiet Riot.  It's interesting how they rode a Slade song to the top, then plummeted to rock bottom so quickly after.

In which Smash Hits has to explain what "scratching" is.

A 34 year old Ozzy bitching about music videos, meanwhile looking very "un-metal"... like a middle aged wife of a televangelist or something.


  1. Retro HoundApril 03, 2016

    "heavy metal is about to get punched in the balls." That, sir, is a great line.

    I love the '80s, such a great time in my life, the music, the movies, the styles, I just love it.

  2. Not just Duran Duran, but all the British bands of the 80s were far more cerebral than American audiences and parents took them for. The Police titled their monster album of the decade after a piece of Jungian psychological theory, after all.
    And do not underestimate ZZ Top and their success of the period. Their music videos were great (the only serial of videos during M-TV's Golden Age) but was as much as the hot licks as it was the hot chicks. Four hits and their accompanying videos off "Eliminator" means they were doing something right. Aerosmith was the titan rock comeback story of the 80s. And now the Top does shows at Indian casinos.

  3. Vincent PallApril 04, 2016

    The Stray Cats actually recorded quite a few albums, and not a single one of them is bad. Also, yeah, The Cramps, DEVO, Iron Maiden, The Cure, etc.--that's a rather eclectic lineup; the 1980s were rather diverse, huh? (I've seen both The Cramps and Iron Maiden in concert; both were fantastic.) Lux Interior, R.I.P.

  4. "The Chauffeur" is one of my favorite Duran Duran tunes. Plus, weird very '80s video with topless lezbonics!

    I bought the first two Spandau Ballet albums a few months ago. That's some good stuff, really. I'd never heard their song "Chant No. 1" before, but it'd quickly become one of my top 100. I can dig the good '80s music, but the styles makes me wanna puke. Some of the goofy day-glo clothing, ridiculously severe makeup, and unnatural hairdos are just beyond good taste. And I was right there in the middle of it.

    1. Vincent PallApril 06, 2016

      Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, ABC, Ultravox, etc. Ah, the New Romantics were something else, huh?

      As far as "The Chauffeur" is concerned, it is absolutely brilliant. In fact, I would say the entire album, _Rio_, is THE definitive 1980s album. Definitely on my "desert island" top 10 (along with The Cars' _Heartbeat City_).

  5. Good god, you just mad my week